SAT Writing : Improving Paragraphs
Study concepts, example questions & explanations for SAT Writing
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Example Questions
Example Question #35 : Combining Sentences
1 While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler in his day.2 That day being the War of 1812. 3 You see, he came from a British Loyalist family and settled in Upper Canada before beginning a career as a Lake Ontario schooner captain, he carried legal cargo as well as smuggled tea and rum into Canada. 4 When the War of 1812 began he spied on the British for several years. 5 In 1838, his most famous escapade occurred: in the capture and burning of the enemy ship Sir Robert Peel. 6 Because Johnston was arrested many times during his life (including for this crime against the Sir Robert Peel), he always either escaped jail or was not convicted because of juries sympathetic view of his activities. 7 Many people do not know that another name for pirate is “corsair.” 8 Nevertheless, Johnston played many roles in his lifetime – everything from fugitive and corsair, criminal and hero.
How should Sentences 1 and 2 be combined?
While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler in his day: that of the War of 1812.
While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler in his day of the War of 1812 era.
While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler during the War of 1812.
While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler in his day; that day being the War of 1812 era.
While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler in his day, the War of 1812 era.
While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler during the War of 1812.
In this case, we want the simplest and most concise option: “While maybe he wasn’t as well known as Bluebeard or Captain Kidd, Bill Johnston was still known as a feared pirate and river smuggler during the War of 1812.”
Also, describing the War of 1812 as one "day" is both historically inaccurate and linguistically imprecise.
Example Question #36 : Combining Sentences
1 One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, the Johnstown Flood. 2 It was occurring in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. 3 Heavy rainfall invigorated a reservoir upriver, causing the dam to burst and more than 20 million tons of water pouring down the Conemaugh River. 4 The Johnstown Flood has been immortalized in poems, novels, songs, and films. 5 The committal flood killed more than 2,000 people and it required the attention of the American Red Cross, Clara Barton, and various lawsuits. 6 Compounding the disaster was the Stone Bridge, causing a fire that killed at least 80 people when burning debris caught fire. 7 Later people would fault the rich business tycoons who had weakened the reservoir for their own leisure, building cottages and a spillway along the dam to create the swarthy South Fork Fishing and Hunting Club.8 Nearly $4 million would be donated to relief funds, for Pennsylvanians the true horror never preceded.
How should Sentences 1 and 2 be combined?
One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, it occurred in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania.
One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, the Johnstown Flood. It was occurring in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. (no change)
One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, the Johnstown Flood; was occurring in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania.
One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, the Johnstown Flood occurred in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania.
It occurred in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania: One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, the Johnstown Flood.
One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, the Johnstown Flood occurred in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania.
Since Sentence 1 is a fragment, it must be rewritten in some way. Giving the subject of Sentence 1, “the Johnstown Flood,” an active verb from Sentence 2 will fix the problem.
Example Question #37 : Combining Sentences
1 Old fashioned candy also known as penny candy or pick ‘n’ mix was once sold in bulk at soda fountains and five-and-dime stores across the United States and England. 2 Penny candy includes many varieties of convections. 3 These varieties, such as lollipops, string licorice, ribbon candy, jelly beans, chocolate coins, taffy, wax lips, sour balls, and candy cigarettes and necklaces. 4 Many people think fondly on their childhood candy stores with wistfulness.
How should Sentences 2 and 3 be combined?
Penny candy includes many varieties of convections; these varieties, such as lollipops, string licorice, ribbon candy, jelly beans, chocolate coins, taffy, wax lips, sour balls, and candy cigarettes and necklaces.
Penny candy’s many varieties of convections includes varieties such as lollipops, string licorice, ribbon candy, jelly beans, chocolate coins, taffy, wax lips, sour balls, and candy cigarettes and necklaces.
Penny candy includes varieties, such as lollipops, string licorice, ribbon candy, jelly beans, chocolate coins, taffy, wax lips, sour balls, and candy cigarettes and necklaces, many varieties of convections.
Penny candy includes convections such as lollipops, string licorice, ribbon candy, jelly beans, chocolate coins, taffy, wax lips, sour balls, and candy cigarettes and necklaces.
Penny candy includes lollipops, string licorice, ribbon candy, jelly beans, chocolate coins, taffy, wax lips, sour balls, and candy cigarettes and necklaces: many varieties of convections.
Penny candy includes convections such as lollipops, string licorice, ribbon candy, jelly beans, chocolate coins, taffy, wax lips, sour balls, and candy cigarettes and necklaces.
Since Sentence 3 is a fragment, it does need to be combined with Sentence 2. We can delete a few words for concision’s sake, but the order does not need to be changed.
Example Question #38 : Combining Sentences
1 Many people have an imminent dislike of crows, few know much at all about the bird. 2 “Crow” actually refers to a genus not a species that includes jackdaws, ravens, rooks and other birds. 3 Their dark color, striated cries, and appearance in horror movies all make it seem very omnivorous. 4 The truth about this genus is that the birds in it are incredibly intelligent – often nearly so as some apes. 5 Appearing on all continents except South America and Antarctica. 6 These perspicacious birds were once thought to predict the future, including weather and war plans. 7 Today, they are used for scientific research, hunting, or even being kept as pets.
How should Sentences 5 and 6 be combined?
These perspicacious birds, appearing on all continents except South America and Antarctica, were once thought to predict the future; including weather and war plans.
Appearing on all continents except South America and Antarctica, these perspicacious birds were once thought to predict the future, including weather and war plans.
Appearing on all continents except South America and Antarctica; these perspicacious birds were once thought to predict the future, including weather and war plans.
Appearing on all continents except South America and Antarctica. These perspicacious birds were once thought to predict the future, including weather and war plans. (no change)
Appearing on all continents except South America and Antarctica, and including weather and war plans, these perspicacious birds were once thought to predict the future.
Appearing on all continents except South America and Antarctica, these perspicacious birds were once thought to predict the future, including weather and war plans.
Sentence 5 is a dependent clause; Sentence 6 is an independent clause. A simple comma will link them nicely, turning sentence 5 into an introductory clause to sentence 6's main clause.
Example Question #39 : Combining Sentences
1 One of the most famous modern dancers of all times, the choreography of Martha Graham had a profound influence of the ballet world. 2 Based on “contraction and release,” the Graham technique, creating theatrical dramatic tension and deeply impassioned routines for audiences to see. 3 Graham used her inconsiderate flexibility to develop many innovative moves originating from the abdomen, back, and pelvis.4 Graham’s work rejected not only the tenants of classical ballet but instead the reactionary rebellions of early modern dance. 5 Like the work of dancer choreographers Helen Tamiris and Agnes de Mille. 6 After age forced her to retire from the stage; Graham sank into a deep depression and had difficulty watching other ballerinas dance her choreography. 7 Today, the Graham technique is taught almost universally between various dance academies, clinics, and universities. 8 Without it the world of modern day dance would indubitably not be the same.
How should Sentences 4 and 5 be combined?
Graham’s work rejected not only the tenants of classical ballet but instead the reactionary rebellions of early modern dance; like the work of dancer choreographers Helen Tamiris and Agnes de Mille.
Graham’s work, rejecting not only the tenants of classical ballet but instead the reactionary rebellions of early modern dance, like the work of dancer choreographers Helen Tamiris and Agnes de Mille.
Graham’s work, like that of dancer choreographers Helen Tamiris and Agnes de Mille, rejected not only the tenants of classical ballet but instead the reactionary rebellions of early modern dance.
Graham’s work, like Helen Tamiris and Agnes de Mille, rejecting not only the tenants of classical ballet but instead the reactionary rebellions of early modern dance.
Graham’s work rejected the tenants of classical ballet and instead the reactionary rebellions of early modern dance; but not the work of dancer choreographers Helen Tamiris and Agnes de Mille.
Graham’s work, like that of dancer choreographers Helen Tamiris and Agnes de Mille, rejected not only the tenants of classical ballet but instead the reactionary rebellions of early modern dance.
Since Sentence 5 is a fragment, it must be combined with Sentence 4. It makes most sense to incorporate the choreographers of Sentence 5 into the part of Sentence 4 that discusses Graham’s own choreography.
Example Question #40 : Combining Sentences
1 Seaweed; a type of algae that’s a promising resource for the future. 2 It can be used with a fuel, medicine, fuel source, and even fertilizer. 3 Often being both farmed or foraged. 4 In Indonesia, China, Korea, and the Philippines are among the world’s largest producers of seaweed, it is used for everything from sushi and bread to dessert. 5 Medically, speaking derivatives of seaweed can be optimized in bandages, dental molds, and microbiology cultures. 6 Girls especially will squeal when they hear that seaweed’s components are used to make many pretty makeup products. 7 It should come as no surprise, then, that countries around the world are investing significant capital in seaweed research.
How should Sentences 2 and 3 be combined?
It can be used with a fuel, medicine, fuel source, and even fertilizer: often being both farmed or foraged.
It often being both farmed or foraged, can be used, with a fuel, medicine, fuel source, and even fertilizer.
Often being both farmed or foraged, it can be used with a fuel, medicine, fuel source, and even fertilizer.
It can be used, often being both farmed or foraged, with a fuel, medicine, fuel source, and even fertilizer.
It can be used with a fuel, medicine, fuel source, and even fertilizer; often being both farmed or foraged.
Often being both farmed or foraged, it can be used with a fuel, medicine, fuel source, and even fertilizer.
Sentence 3 is a dependent clause that could modify the “it” in Sentence 2, an independent clause, so we should move Sentence 3 before Sentence 2 and use a comma between them.
Example Question #41 : Combining Sentences
1 The job is similar to a music editor, who creates and merges songs, background music, and other sound effects to create a particular atmosphere. 2 While most Americans today are cognizant of film jobs such as director, producer, actor, and even screenwriter. 3 Few know much about the role of film editor. 4 This job involves mostly post-production work, with the editor choosing that parts of the raw footage to move, combine, or separate. 5 Without the film editor, there would only be a bewitching jumble of disordered chaotic images. 6 Sometimes more than ten times as much film is shot than is used in the final cut of the movie. 7 Film editors, also have the ability to impose experimental approaches, discontinuity, or emotional manipulation as he sees fit. 8 Film editing truly is a critical and undervalued art.
How should Sentences 2 and 3 be combined?
Most Americans today are cognizant of film jobs such as director, producer, actor, and even screenwriter, few know much about the role of film editor.
While most Americans today are cognizant of film jobs such as director, producer, actor, and even screenwriter; few know much about the role of film editor.
While most Americans today being cognizant of film jobs such as director, producer, actor, and even screenwriter: Few know much about the role of film editor.
While most Americans today are cognizant of film jobs such as director, producer, actor, and even screenwriter, few know much about the role of film editor.
Most Americans today being cognizant of film jobs such as director, producer, actor, and even screenwriter, few are knowing much about the role of film editor.
While most Americans today are cognizant of film jobs such as director, producer, actor, and even screenwriter, few know much about the role of film editor.
Here, we have a simple solution: combine the dependent clause (Sentence 2) with the independent clause (Sentence 3) using a single comma.
Example Question #42 : Combining Sentences
1 They will look hideous, but in some part of the world gooseneck barnacles are trendy delicacies. 2 They are harvested mainly in northern Spain and Portugal, where they are known as, percebes, and in California. 3 Barnacles can be cooked in a variety of ways including in boiling water and hot ash. 4 It is remarkable for its rubbery texture, ugly black color, and claw like shape. 5 Barnacles are also difficult to collect, living on cliff sides and rocks in tumid coastal zones. 6 They are commonly served with lemon, garlic aioli, parsley, and melted butter. 7 They are sometimes even eaten raw! 8 In medieval times people actually believed that gooseneck barnacles gave birth to a species of black goose, henceforth the name.
How should Sentences 6 and 7 be combined?
They are commonly served with lemon, garlic aioli, parsley, melted butter, and even raw.
They are commonly served – with lemon, garlic aioli, parsley, and melted butter – sometimes even eaten raw!
They are commonly served with lemon, garlic aioli, parsley, and melted butter, and they are sometimes even eaten raw.
They are commonly served with lemon, garlic aioli, parsley, and melted butter; sometimes even being eaten raw!
They are commonly served with lemon, garlic aioli, parsley, and melted butter, and sometimes even eaten raw!
They are commonly served with lemon, garlic aioli, parsley, and melted butter, and they are sometimes even eaten raw.
Since both Sentences 6 and 7 are short independent clauses discussing the same subject, it makes sense to join them with a comma and a coordinating conjunction. The exclamation point is unnecessary, especially after the sentences are joined.
Example Question #43 : Combining Sentences
1 Biographies exist in various specialized forms. 2 A hagiography is a biography that discusses a saint or other church leader. 3 Many hagiographies focus on a saint’s miracles, martyrdom, and divine connection. 4 They were especially common in the Middle Ages, often appearing as part of a larger collection or calendar of saints.
5 Historians today value these accounts not because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but also they include good insight into local history. 6 For example, the bestselling Golden Legend was a 13th century compensation of saint stories from more than a hundred different sources. 7 England, Ireland, and the Byzantine Empire were all fertile ground for medieval hagiographies and as such much is known about carnelian life there. 8 These hagiographies also changed focus over the years; shifting from heroic tales of holy warriors and sanctimonious moralistic lessons designed to instruct churchgoers. 9 And gradually fading in popularity.
How should Sentences 8 and 9 be combined?
… designed to instruct churchgoers, and gradually fading in popularity.
They should not be combined.
… designed to instruct churchgoers before gradually fading in popularity.
… designed to instruct churchgoers; gradually fading in popularity.
… designed to instruct churchgoers; while gradually fading in popularity.
… designed to instruct churchgoers before gradually fading in popularity.
Because Sentence 9 is a fragment, it must be combined with Sentence 8. When the conjunction is changed, no punctuation is necessary to separate the main part of Sentence 8 from that of Sentence 9.
Example Question #151 : Improving Paragraphs
1 Biographies exist in various specialized forms. 2 A hagiography is a biography that discusses a saint or other church leader. 3 Many hagiographies focus on a saint’s miracles, martyrdom, and divine connection. 4 They were especially common in the Middle Ages, often appearing as part of a larger collection or calendar of saints. 5 Historians today value these accounts not because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but also they include good insight into local history. 6 For example, the bestselling Golden Legend was a 13th century compensation of saint stories from more than a hundred different sources. 7 England, Ireland, and the Byzantine Empire were all fertile ground for medieval hagiographies and as such much is known about carnelian life there. 8 These hagiographies also changed focus over the years; shifting from heroic tales of holy warriors and sanctimonious moralistic lessons designed to instruct churchgoers. 9 And gradually fading in popularity.
How should Sentences 1 and 2 be combined?
Biographies exist in various specialized forms, and one such form is a hagiography, which discusses a saint or other church leader.
Biographies exist in various specialized forms, including a biography of a saint or other church leader.
Biographies, or hagiographies, exist in various specialized forms, including that of a saint or other church leader.
Biographies exist in various specialized forms, and a hagiography is a biography discussing a saint or other church leader.
Biographies exist in various specialized forms, one such form being a hagiography, or a saint or other church leader.
Biographies exist in various specialized forms, and one such form is a hagiography, which discusses a saint or other church leader.
A bit of rewriting is necessary to avoid redundancy and grammatical errors. Since hagiography is identified as a form of biography, making "biographies" the main subject of the first clause, and discussing hagiographies in a separate but connected second clause makes the most logical and grammtical sense.
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