Speak to be Heard by Rianna

Speak to be Heard by Rianna - December 2016 Scholarship Essay

My heart beat against my chest. My stomach dropped to the floor. A faint smile lined my face and my eyes opened wide. "Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief. "I'm stage manager? But wait-" my smile wavered, "I'm in 8th grade". The adults sitting across from me nodded their heads as they told me they believed I could do this. I wasn't so sure. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered harder as I realized the responsibility and honor just given to me being trusted to run the musical as an underclassmen.
It was going to be a challenge but I didn't care, I grinned hard, accepted, and thought to myself, "I can do this".
The rehearsals flew by in a blur of costumes, dances, and director's notes and in what felt like minutes, opening night was moments away. Dressed in black, I tugged nervously at the headset draped around my neck and I reminded myself silently, "I can do this". The actors seemed to like me, they listened to me when I corrected lines or movements. Tonight should go well I hoped
The voice of a tall senior boy cut through my headset making me jump, "fifteen minutes, ready?".
I repeated back with all the confidence I could muster, "stage right ready, stand by".
The words rung in my ears and the butterflies in my stomach turned into an angry swarm berating my ribs. I held tight with white knuckles to my confidence and approached the group of loud actresses tucked behind the curtain. My voice shaking, I swallowed my nerves and asked meekly for them to stop talking. My heart hit the floor as a blond girl arrogantly rolled her eyes, and walked to a different area to continue her conversation. My confidence evaporating, I realized I no longer had an adult sitting right next to me influencing their decision to listen to me. I didn't appear to be an authority figure; I was small and much younger than them. I certainly didn't sound like I was in charge either, no wonder they didn't listen.
Doubts echoed in my head and my eyes stung holding back tears, "Maybe I can't do this. Maybe I was wrong. I'm going to let the group down. I'm not loud enough, they won't listen. I don't think I can do this."

"No. I can't. I can't do this"

Defeatedly, I used my headset to call over to the boy across the stage to ask for help quieting my side.
"No."' He sounded unsympathetic and my heart sank lower,
"Walk back over there and tell them. Speak to be heard and carry yourself with confidence, they'll listen."
The radio clicked off and left me alone with static; seconds went by and he added,
You got picked. You're a leader. You can do this". The words lingered with me in the dark corner of the stage soon broken by a different voice in the headset,
"Five minutes. Why's backstage so loud though? We can hear them out here."
The swarm stopped their fluttering and my heart quickened. My body seemingly on autopilot stood back up and with long strides and the click of the heel of my black leather boots hitting the ground I moved towards forward.

"I can do this." I repeated to myself hoping I was right.
Confidently, I broke into the conversation, "Excuse me, the show starts in five and there are people seated in the house already, I need you to be silent".
I noticed my voiced stopped shaking and I wondered when that had happened. My previously shaking voice was replaced with one I didn't recognize.
"If you need to talk you're going to have to go in the back hallway. You cannot be on stage" I added in the new tone.
The tall girl who had at once towered over me stared back as seconds that felt like centuries ticked by.
The painful silence broke as she quietly muttered a quick apology and turned to leave. What had seemed like an impossible task at the time was done. The headset sounded again, "Everybody ready?".
A smile crept along my face and changed to a wide grin as the new found confidence and pride in myself flooded my head. I had stood up for myself even when my voice shook. My fingers searched for the button on the headset to speak back to my team and I pressed it hard. "Ready."

The whole theater waiting for my cue.

The room quieted to a low rumble of feet shuffling and audience members finding seats. "On my cue. " I let seconds go by. I took a death breath. "Go" I commanded. The lights flicked on, the curtain rose and music bounced off the walls. I stopped for a second and thought to myself with immense pride,
"I did it"
I value this lesson I've learned far more than my math skills or ability to craft an essay with ease. Through challenges I've faced, I have bettered myself and my character which doesn't always come as easily as math skills might and for that, I am proud of myself. I was right when I told myself I could do it, I learned to believe in myself and how to be a leader that year.
I said I could, and I did. One of the most valuable achievements you could ask for.