BFF's by Ayra

BFF's by Ayra - August 2025 Scholarship Essay

The laughter of giggling teens decorating their senior cars overlaps with the music flowing through my headphones. Cars roll into the school parking lot with duos and trios of kids inside, savoring the car's A.C. before it's time to open the door into gruesome heat. Friends pummeled into each other’s arms after a summer of separation in the hallways.

As I look around, I don’t feel entirely alone. I do have friends, but I just wish I could think, “Yeah, that’s definitely me and them,” instead of thinking about the absence of that person when I see the connection between people sparking in the air.

My history of bad best friends doesn’t help with the search for another one, though. Notably, all my ex-best friends were malicious towards me without my knowledge. Take the person I broke up with just last spring, she disguised backhanded compliments well. One of the most important things she taught me is how to tell when someone has to make it all about themselves. My perception of our close connection is what caused it to hurt more at the end, but I would never go back and stop us from coming closer. I dislike her now, but the lessons that friendship taught me are valuable. Especially since the fear of being mistreated again lingers in me, those new tidbits of information can serve as mean people detectors.

With these new detective skills acquired, I’m pushing myself further into the social crowd. There’s another hurdle to jump over, though. Most people already have best friends because it’s senior year. When it comes to obstacles like these, I tend to regret not being social earlier on. Up until Junior year, I wasn’t really a social or confident person. I was still working through the cave I would get lost in when it came to interacting with people. I refer to this part of my life as starting late. Even though I started late, I gained a handful and variety of friends during junior year, which I am proud of and grateful for. However, whether it’s that they already have a best friend, or that we just don’t vibe, none of them fit the criteria for best friend.

I want someone whose mere presence brings me warmth on the chilly nights where my fear of ghosts takes over, and we fall asleep on call together. Someone whose house I’d show to on their birthday with a goofy grin plastered on my face, with a box of warm cake resting in my bag, ready to pull the confetti popper as soon as the door creaks open. I recognize that building that kind of relationship takes time, and I’m ready to build. I’m just waiting on my fellow constructor. I might have to walk through a lot of rubble to finally find them, but I won’t give up until I do. The desire for that close connection pulsates through every fiber of my being. I won’t rest until it’s met. I might not have made the strongest strides last year, but there is no way I am going to let myself row slower this year. I don’t care if I started later, I’m going to find that person. Whether they go to my school, happen to be in the same Walmart Ilse as me, or happen to be the person I choose as my college roommate, I will find that connection.