Turning Fears Into Possibilities by Marissa

Turning Fears Into Possibilities by Marissa - January 2016 Scholarship Essay

Turning Fears to Possibilities

College is expensive-No surprise there. And it’s scary. It is petrifying to know that a green piece of paper can dictate one’s choices. I am lucky enough to have grown up with parents that support all of my endeavors. However, last year when I returned home from my first semester of college, I proposed every parents nightmare. “I’m moving to New York City.” Although I am sure this statement was inevitable as an avid performer, I assume they were hoping for a much later due date, perhaps after graduation. I received little acknowledgment for my efforts and my dedication to the idea was overlooked. Even after my application, audition, and my parents beating around the bush that this was not a financially achievable dream, my impetus did not waver. Perhaps this was a form of ignorance, but I could not physically accept the idea of not having New York. There wasn’t a maybe. I knew I had to make it happen, no matter the loans or work, this was my time.
I come from a family where money isn’t an enjoyable topic. I live in a single parent household with my mom, self-employed, working a 9-6 job while juggling my sister and I. Instate tuition was going to be a struggle, now I was insinuating a five-year college plan. The numbers didn’t add up and it was not realistic to rely on my mom for the money she didn’t and doesn’t have. But the inkling of not going to New York was much more terrifying than the idea of surviving off of ramen noodles till I was thirty. This situation did not improve, especially when I chose to retire my current job to search for a higher salary. By the grace of God, Allah or whoever may be up there, I was hired as a waitress at a local restaurant where I worked every seven-hour shift available. I worked doubles, holidays, and weekends, survived long hours of rude tourists, demanding coworkers, and an impossible kitchen staff. I have invested every birthday check, Christmas card cash, sacrificed spring break, the chance of a study abroad, and my social life to afford New York. And I don’t regret a single second of it. I don’t even view them as sacrifices because I am exactly where I am meant to be. I’m applying for an on campus job and if I do say so myself, am very money savvy. I walk instead of taking the subway, and make my own meals from the food I buy at market vendors. I use utensils I collect from our less than spectacular cafeteria and thrift my entire wardrobe. Via Facebook it looks like I am living the life. However, let me make this clear, I am not going to school to just become “famous”. Going to school in New York City isn’t for the glam life; it’s for the rich, heartfelt, passionate and vivacious one.
The experiences I gain in New York will help me grow in a way that my previous traditional college campus could not. I want New York to not only expand my soul, but my opportunities as an active participant in society. I believe that the millennial generation has been over looked and it is our time to step up to the plate. In 2016, my goal is to trust my instincts. My path and intuition has led me to an incredible new chapter in my life and with that I plan to become more organized and efficient with how I spend my time. I am double majoring with a BFA in Acting for Film and TV and a BA in Political Justice Studies. Although my optimistic and coffee driven mind is what gets me through thirty-eight hours of class a week, I cannot deny that money isn’t a factor in my choices. I don’t know how I am planning on paying for next year, or the two years that follow. But I do know that my dedication to the journey and finish line is worth every hurdle I have to jump ahead.
I hear of all my old classmates dreading their classes and viewing school as a chore, and I used to be one of them. Even in high school I was proud of my C average capabilities, gliding through each semester. This is the first time in my life where I am ecstatic to go to class, I come out of each feeling refreshed, awakened, and driven. I don’t go to school for a degree or to pass a course. I go to learn. What a shocker! I don’t know many people that can say that. 2015 I took an enormous leap of faith to start fresh. 2016 is an open book and I plan to write an improbable story. Balancing work and school has been a gut wrenching everyday battle but it has taught me how to have a never-ending devotion to discipline, dedication, and strength. There is no lesson learned when everything is handed to you, and I am happy to run the marathon for my dreams.