Hope by Jude

Hope by Jude - December 2016 Scholarship Essay

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
The ribbon is the principal definition of hope, but if you look closely, the loop of the ribbon is not formed by making a knot… and your hope is not secured. I used to hear the word “hope” and think of secure circumstances. However I never realized how abhorrent losing hope can feel. There was a time in my life where I felt I lost all the hope I ever had. However, even though my spirits were undoubtedly low, they were not gone. I still had hope.
That perches in the soul –
My freshman year of high school I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Nine months of chemotherapy and an eight hour surgery could not have gone by any slower, but none the less, I got through it, and my family got through it. After one year of being cancer free, I found out I had a reoccurrence. This is when my surgeon started discussing an above the knee amputation. The good news was after the amputation I would be accepted to do a trial that would not include chemotherapy. A trial that would keep me healthy, not tired nor nauseated.
And sings the tune without the words –
I got a call from my doctors two days later about two tumors showing up on my MRI. I was not accepted to do the trial anymore. I was given confidence, desire, aspiration, and most of all hope, but it was taken away. Therefore, when I started my first cycle of chemotherapy, I just felt numb. Hope can be a compelling experience, but once it’s gone, it can lead to a dark feeling.
Once I was given hope, I was given decisions. This past summer I was given my hardest decision to make. If my surgeon couldn’t remove the tumors, should she amputate the remaining portion of my leg, or keep the tumors in. This meant accepting not knowing what would happen during my surgery, and what’s even scarier than knowing what’s going to happen, is not knowing.
And never stops at all –Emily Dickenson
“As long as you have options, everything is good”. My surgeon told me this because I have to remember that what happened to me isn’t the worst. The rest of my life is determined by the decisions I make, decisions that I do not regret and will accept, decisions that even if no one else supports, I support.
The blue jeans denim ribbon is used for genetic disorder awareness. The gold ribbon is a symbol of childhood cancer. All these ribbons define tough times people have gone through, not just cancer. We are united because this ribbon connects all of us. So, even though this ribbon is just a loop, it is still one piece because we have our family, our friends, and our communities holding our hand to keep the ribbon together.
The question was, what was my biggest accomplishment in school. This might be a weirs story to tell, but there is a reason for it. My biggest accomplishment in school is having hope, not losing hope, always attending school even when I was tired and wanted to just stay home. When I came back to school, the T.V. class asked me to be in a video to spread awareness of childhood cancer. That was a big step for me. Considering I would have to talk about my life and what I went through, however I did it. People have to know hope is still out there in the toughest time. My biggest accomplishment in school and in life will be having hope and having the courage to make that video. We have to believe in hope because the journey it can lead is indescribable.