From a mental hospital to AP Chemistry by James

From a mental hospital to AP Chemistry by James - December 2016 Scholarship Essay

My mental anguish in the winter of 2014 was the worst it had ever been. After a year of dejected thinking and mental deterioration, I lost it in my school life. First, there was my social studies teacher. When she made a crass comment about how Muslims in the middle-east were "killing us all", I reacted in a very disruptive manner. I could not control my frustration, even though I knew I was channeling rage to no discernible end. Not long afterwards, I had a similar outburst in my physics class, when I thought my teacher was picking on me. In reality, he had merely made a sly comment I took far too personally. I never showered, rarely brushed my teeth, and refused to treat my acne. Finally, at the home of my grandparents one December evening, I performed my most destructive act: Lying in the middle of the road, begging for death.

It was too much. My family, acting out of nothing but concern for my welfare, brought me to a mental hospital called Four Winds, in the county south of ours. Though I had been in the facility twice before, I had learned nothing which could help me address the root causes of my poor mental health. Alas, this trip would prove just as fruitless, but at its conclusion I knew for certain I would not return.

Living with Asperger's syndrome, I tend to overanalyze social situations and read implications which are not there. I believe my Asperger mind, combined with general negativity bad influences on the Internet taught me, were the root causes of my mental breakdowns. Four Winds taught me nothing about Asperger's; if I was going to change, I'd have to do it myself.

For their part, the staff at school did everything to make my transition back from the mental hospital as smooth as possible. I was moved to a special needs social studies class, enrolled in a resource program, and given a break from science for the year. I loathed it, but what choice did they have? Certainly, I could not continue in the same classes where I had my malfunctions. The best option available was to receive what aid our school provided for people who are mentally troubled, autistic, socially handicapped...people like I was.

I knew exactly what negative influences led me to mental distress, and cutting them out of my life was simple. But forming good habits of self-motivation and hygiene took a lot longer. Things looked bright at the end of my junior year, especially when I scored a 100 on my global history Regents. The following year, I resumed my science studies with Regents Chemistry, and became a high marks student once again.

My initiative took a great leap forward over the summer of 2016. During the course of the summer, I began and completed an online calculus course, read the entire text of Chemistry: The Central Science, and began an online notebook compiling knowledge from other courses I took. What was different between who I was then versus who I was two years before? Simply put, I now valued my mental health. Instead of spending my free time browsing Youtube comment sections, I now put on public radio, learning about the world and studying when classical music came on. By restricting my media consumption to meaningful, digestible intakes, I enhanced my mind and thereby my capabilities. Once I started valuing my mental health, every other good habit came forward. I now took pride in shaving my face, brushing my teeth, and keeping myself clean. Exercise while reading a good book became a routine of mine, and a passion I felt for reducing waste became an entire recycling club, with several kids joining in on the work.

No matter what happens, I will never let my analytical Asperger's mind lead me to despair again.