A New Beginning by Emily

A New Beginning by Emily - February 2017 Scholarship Essay

Most people can pinpoint their failure to a moment, event, or action where they made a mistake. Few can say that their failures have effects they cannot undo. Fewer still can say their failures would affect their entire lives. My initial failure would have nothing to do with my own actions; my body failed - specifically my pancreas. On March 27, 2015, I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. From this I would learn not only how to manage the disease but also empathy, patience, and responsibility.
Leading up to this, I had experienced many failures. Two weeks prior to diagnosis all the symptoms that accompany a withering pancreas hit in full force. Fatigue was constant and overwhelming. I drug myself through eight class periods with difficulty. After school I attempted track practice with even more frustration.Vivid nightmares, sleep walking, and getting up every other hour to use the bathroom made for many sleepless nights, and I would learn that all of these are symptoms of diabetes.
A two day hospital stay would preclude this pre-diagnosis misery, consisting of hours and hours of training as we tore down my life and built up a completely new one based upon blood sugar checks and insulin injections. I was on the steepest learning curve of my life. In two days, I had learn how to be a pancreas. My survival and quality of life depended on how successfully I could comprehend and implement this information. I was now responsible for equations to figure out insulin dosages, along with evaluating the effectiveness of these equations and making adjustments as needed.
There was a sense of dread in coming home as potential mistakes loomed everywhere. I did the best I could to implement all the strategies that play into functioning as your own pancreas. I would inevitably fail time and time again. I would make mistakes on equations, ratios, and the counting of carbohydrates. Blood sugars would be crazy at times. A return to school meant I quickly realized I was the only diabetic. I then recognized both teachers and students do not have extensive knowledge of my disease. I felt a new responsibility to educate and create awareness about my experiences. Through it all I maintained my grades and continued to participate in all my usual extracurricular activities from speech and band to cross country and volunteering.
I soon progressed to the point where I could take advantage of some of the newer technology in diabetes management. I switched from injections to a pump which presented its own challenges and failures. I kept moving forward because I knew in the end if I could master this technology, I would reap the benefits of tighter, more efficient management. From each mistake I took away a piece of the puzzle that would play into creating a better quality of life for myself.
This will be my life until a cure is found. A constant experiment that can only be solved by trial and error. Since diagnosis, I have learned empathy for others with diabetes or any chronic disease for that matter. I learned what it is like to have to get up and fight and manage everyday. Patience also became an invaluable lesson as I endured uncomfortable blood sugars and tried new solutions.
Diabetes has changed who I am and how I live my life. It forces me to look at life differently, to go at a different speed, and take on unique responsibilities. My pancreas may have failed, but I learned not to be content with failure, or to see it as the final outcome. My pancreas may have failed but that did not mean I had. Failure was the beginning of a new opportunity.