The Accomplishment of Survival by Alexa

The Accomplishment of Survival by Alexa - December 2016 Scholarship Essay

Cue the music, and envision yourself speaking with a young and emotionally fearful pre-teen at a small, Charter middle school in Fort Collins, Colorado. Her angsty days approaching full teenager-mode lead her to believe she is mysterious, but while speaking with her, you will easily be able to notice her ways and her ever-developing personality. She makes friends with those around her with ease, but feels strained when attempting to maintain those relationships. She is comfortable in the classroom, but fails to keep up on due dates and struggles to focus in the most perilous of times. She is very knowledgeable, but she scores poorly time after time and seems to consistently miss the mark. My middle school days were full of confusion and anxiety for the years ahead. I never felt confident in my abilities when it came to productivity in school, which is why the dooming days of high school, GPA, and eventual college applications impaled my sanity and led me to question how cut out I truly was for the next step in my life.
At the age of fourteen, my first day of big, public high school began. For the first few months, life was going perfectly. I was nominated freshman homecoming princess, and, for an insecure teen desiring acceptance across the board, this was about the best honor that could have been given. I was on student council, and I had loved getting involved in the big school that used to scare me. I had great friends and I seemed to be consistent in my times of enjoyment.
For the reasons that can be explained no further than to be related to life, stress, and a pre-residing diagnosis of nasty insecurity and anxiety, my freshman year led me into a deep depression. This depression did not arise from the ashes, for I could have always considered myself to be somewhat melancholy for reasons that escaped me. I was given the picture perfect life, with parents that adored and stood by me no matter what, with friends that supported me, and with talents that allowed me to prosper and succeed. But regardless of my circumstances, I fell into a depression that overwhelmed me. My grades began to tank, and I no longer felt any motivation whatsoever to look to the future. I began to isolate myself from family and friends, and I ignored any teachers that would call me into their rooms and attempt to help me with my missing assignments. I will never forget the day where our freshman advisor spoke to us in a room and insisted us, regardless of it being far into the future, to think about college to and work hard to get good GPAs. I remember thinking to myself that I was the exception, and I didn’t have to work hard because I would not be alive for long enough to ever have to worry about college or GPAs. I convinced myself that the pain I was feeling about myself and about the world around me was incurable, and that no one should be counting on me returning to the next year of high school. November of my freshman year brought me a hospitalization due to a suicidal sense of mind, and along came February with another one. I felt helpless and hopeless- convinced in my lack of future and disinterested with doing well in any of my classes.
Perhaps this scholarship essay, with its prompt pertaining to my greatest school accomplishment, was intending to hear stories about me scoring the highest on an exam and how that shaped my confidence and lead me to pursue success throughout the next few years, or me spending my weekends indulged in community service and how that inspired me to live the years ahead with the same giving heart. Both of these things are things that I sometimes wish I would’ve spent my high school time in. But instead of regretting the struggles I faced and how they prevented me from enjoying my high school years as much as I could have, I choose to acknowledge the beautiful and unending truth that is my survival. Because I chose life in the hurricane of this struggle, I am able to write this scholarship essay. Because of the undying community around me consistently wiping away my tears and convincing me to stay alive for the next day, I am able to convince this scholarship community that my biggest accomplishment was winning. I won the struggle that I used to believe was unwinnable. I defeated the hurt that I used to feel was so consuming and so overbearing that I was unable to ever consider myself a survivor. I stand here today able to tell this scholarship community that the struggles I faced for so long in high school were some of the most excruciating, overwhelmingly painful days of my life, and that I would consider no bigger success in my life than my ability to push forward.
I will not graduate with an impressive GPA. I will not graduate with the best of memories or beautiful late night memoirs. But I will graduate with the tears in my eyes, because I used to be utterly convinced that I would never see the day. I will graduate successful, ambitious, and victorious, and that is my biggest high school accomplishment that I take the most pride in.