SAT Writing : Improving Paragraphs
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Example Question #81 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture may be gleaned repulsive in another. 2 Octopus is one such food. 3 It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable, others enjoying the unusual taste. 4 It’s cousin, squid, is known as “calamari,” and is also popular in many countries.5 Octopus can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, serve it raw in sushi, or even eat it alive. 6 But be careful: The head of the octopus’ can be poisonous!
How should Sentence 1 be rewritten?
By now it’s common knowledge that a food, maybe considered unctuous in one culture, maybe gleaned repulsive in another.
By now it’s common knowledge that a food, being considered unctuous in one culture, maybe gleaned repulsive in another.
By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture but gleaned repulsive in another.
By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture may be gleaned repulsive in another. (no change)
By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture, gleaned repulsive in another.
By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture but gleaned repulsive in another.
The second “may be” in the original sentence must be changed to “but” for grammatical correctness and semantic efficiency. No additional punctuation is necessary.
Example Question #82 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture may be gleaned repulsive in another. 2 Octopus is one such food. 3 It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable, others enjoying the unusual taste. 4 It’s cousin, squid, is known as “calamari,” and is also popular in many countries.5 Octopus can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, serve it raw in sushi, or even eat it alive. 6 But be careful: The head of the octopus’ can be poisonous!
How should Sentence 5 be rewritten?
Octopus can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, served raw in sushi, or even eaten alive.
Octopus can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, serve it raw in sushi, or even eat it alive. (no change)
Octopus, which can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, served raw in sushi, or even eat it alive.
Octopus can be fried in batter; roast it with herbs, steam and sprinkle with paprika, serve it raw in sushi, or even eat it alive.
Octopus: it is fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, served raw in sushi, or even eaten alive.
Octopus can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, served raw in sushi, or even eaten alive.
Be careful to avoid faulty parallelism, which is the problem with the original sentence.
Example Question #83 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture may be gleaned repulsive in another. 2 Octopus is one such food. 3 It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable, others enjoying the unusual taste. 4 It’s cousin, squid, is known as “calamari,” and is also popular in many countries.5 Octopus can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, serve it raw in sushi, or even eat it alive. 6 But be careful: The head of the octopus’ can be poisonous!
How should Sentence 3 be rewritten?
It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable; and others enjoying the unusual taste.
It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable and others enjoying the unusual taste.
It valorizes its audiences; some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable and others enjoying the unusual taste.
It valorizes its audiences; some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable, others enjoying the unusual taste.
It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable, others enjoying the unusual taste.
It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable and others enjoying the unusual taste.
Simply changing the comma to a conjunction will make this into a flawless sentence. No semicolons are necessary here, since there is only one independent clause.
Example Question #81 : Rewriting A Full Sentence
1 By now it’s common knowledge that a food may be considered unctuous in one culture may be gleaned repulsive in another. 2 Octopus is one such food. 3 It valorizes its audiences, with some gourmands claiming its rubbery texture is unpalatable, others enjoying the unusual taste. 4 It’s cousin, squid, is known as “calamari,” and is also popular in many countries.5 Octopus can be fried in batter, roasted with herbs, steamed and sprinkled with paprika, serve it raw in sushi, or even eat it alive. 6 But be careful: The head of the octopus’ can be poisonous!
How should Sentence 6 be rewritten?
But be careful; the head of the octopus can be poisonous!
But be careful: The head of the octopus can be poisonous!
But be careful, the head of the octopus’ can be poisonous!
But be careful; the head of the octopus’ can be poisonous!
But be careful: The head of the octopus’ can be poisonous! (no change)
But be careful: The head of the octopus can be poisonous!
Everything is fine here except for the apostrophe, which is needlessly and incorrectly turning the noun into a possessive. The colon is the correct punctuation mark in this case.
Example Question #81 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 Biographies exist in various specialized forms. 2 A hagiography is a biography that discusses a saint or other church leader. 3 Many hagiographies focus on a saint’s miracles, martyrdom, and divine connection. 4 They were especially common in the Middle Ages, often appearing as part of a larger collection or calendar of saints.
5 Historians today value these accounts not because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but also they include good insight into local history. 6 For example, the bestselling Golden Legend was a 13th century compensation of saint stories from more than a hundred different sources. 7 England, Ireland, and the Byzantine Empire were all fertile ground for medieval hagiographies and as such much is known about carnelian life there. 8 These hagiographies also changed focus over the years; shifting from heroic tales of holy warriors and sanctimonious moralistic lessons designed to instruct churchgoers. 9 And gradually fading in popularity.
How should Sentence 5 be rewritten?
Historians today value these accounts not because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but because they include good insight into local history.
Historians today value these accounts not because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but also they include good insight into local history. (no change)
Historians today do not value these accounts because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical, but also are including good insight into local history.
Historians today value these accounts not only because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but also because they include good insight into local history.
Historians today do not value these accounts because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but also they include good insight into local history.
Historians today value these accounts not because the hagiographer is often too worshipful to be critical but because they include good insight into local history.
The meaning conveyed in the original sentence doesn’t fit the grammatical construction, so we need to change the construction to the “not because __________ but because ___________” form.
Example Question #86 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 Punk rock developed in the mid-1970s. 2 It was a musical movement that arose out of antiauthoritarian garage bands.3 It was characterized by fast-paced songs, sedimentary lyrics, and a raw loud sound. 4 And often its lyrics were also political. 5 Some of the most famous punk rock bands came from England and the United States and including the Clash, the Sex Pistols, and the Ramones.
6 Punk bands tending to convince a liberal, anti-establishment, sensibility,and they were proponents of individualism, freedom, and nonconformity.7 (Later in the 1990s “riot grrrl” bands like Bikini Kill and Sleater-Kinney used their punk music to draw attention on feminist concerns.)8 Now you can find, punk bands in cities all around the world.9 By the 1980s, the public was beginning to accept punk music, slowly becoming mainstream.
How should Sentence 8 be rewritten?
Now, you can find, punk bands in cities all around the world.
Now you can find, punk bands in cities all around the world. (no change)
Now you can find: punk bands in cities all around the world.
Now, you can find: punk bands in cities all around the world.
Now you can find punk bands in cities all around the world.
Now you can find punk bands in cities all around the world.
No comma or colon is necessary in the sentence; in fact, adding punctuation would impede the reader’s progress through this single, unified thought and break up the sentence unnecessarily.
Example Question #87 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 Leprosy: used to be a dreaded illness both in biblical times as well as more recently. 2 People endured its disfiguring effects until the invention of antibiotics in the 1950s. 3 Also known as Hansen’s disease, antibiotics will fictitiously cure leprosy today. 4 In the old days there exacted leprosy colonies to quarantine infected people, as the disease was then considered highly contagious. 5 Symptoms include skin lesions, nerve damage, numbness, tissue damage, and, in severe cases, deformation of fingers and toes. 6 Thanks to modern medicine, leprosy no longer needs to be a source of social skirmish. 7 In reality, it is transmitted through fluids, usually in the form of airborne particles.
How should Sentence 7 be rewritten?
In reality, it is transmitted through fluids usually in the form of airborne particles.
In reality, transmitting through fluids and usually in the form of airborne particles.
In reality it is transmitted through fluids usually in the form of airborne particles.
In reality, it is transmitted through fluids, usually in the form of airborne particles. (no change)
In reality it is transmitted through fluids, and usually in the form of airborne particles.
In reality, it is transmitted through fluids, usually in the form of airborne particles. (no change)
This sentence correctly uses a comma to set off two dependent clauses from the main independent clause: “it is transmitted through fluids.”
Example Question #88 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 If you’ve watched any environmental news reports in the last few years, it’s likely you’ve stumbled among the idea of fracking. 2 The word is short for “hydraulic fracturing” and involves injecting liquid into rock to create fractures and fractals, there allowing natural gas to be extracted more querulously.3 Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries, like the United States, to cut back on their foreign oil dependence. 4 Amateurs say that fracking, causes significant and sometimes irresponsible environmental damage.
5 Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water, and leach dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater. 6 Some people have even inquired minor earthquakes to fracking: as the process thought to spurn tremors.7 Perhaps most worrisome, fracking allows governments to continue depending on fossil fuel rather than exploring renewable energy. 8 These sources could include wind turbines, solar panels, even hot springs and waterwheels.
How should Sentence 3 be rewritten?
Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries like the United States to cut back on their foreign oil dependence.
Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries like the United States, to cut back on their foreign oil dependence.
Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries, like the United States to cut back on their foreign oil dependence.
Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries: like the United States, to cut back on their foreign oil dependence.
Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries, like the United States, to cut back on their foreign oil dependence. (no change)
Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries like the United States to cut back on their foreign oil dependence.
No commas are needed in this sentence, as the entire thing is needed to convey the sense of the sentence. (There are no parenthetical elements, in other words.) Note also that colons must follow independent clauses, and can never interrupt a main clause to introduce a list.
Example Question #89 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 If you’ve watched any environmental news reports in the last few years, it’s likely you’ve stumbled among the idea of fracking. 2 The word is short for “hydraulic fracturing” and involves injecting liquid into rock to create fractures and fractals, there allowing natural gas to be extracted more querulously.3 Proponents say the method facilitates oil drilling and allows countries, like the United States, to cut back on their foreign oil dependence. 4 Amateurs say that fracking, causes significant and sometimes irresponsible environmental damage.
5 Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water, and leach dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater. 6 Some people have even inquired minor earthquakes to fracking: as the process thought to spurn tremors.7 Perhaps most worrisome, fracking allows governments to continue depending on fossil fuel rather than exploring renewable energy. 8 These sources could include wind turbines, solar panels, even hot springs and waterwheels.
How should Sentence 5 be rewritten?
Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water; leach dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater.
Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water, leach dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater.
Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water, leaching dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater.
Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water; and leach dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater.
Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water, and leach dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater. (no change)
Fracking can require sonorous quantities of water, leaching dangerous carcinogenic chemicals into the groundwater.
A comma should only be used before the coordinating conjunction "and" if it separates two independent clauses. Changing the verb tense in the second (dependent) clause and deleting the conjunction allows us to keep the comma. Note also that semicolons cannot be used to connect a dependent clause to a main clause and that coordinating conjunctions cannot follow semicolons.
Example Question #90 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 Lemon juice with cayenne pepper, cabbage soup, cookies, grapefruit. 2 What do these have in common?3 They are all key ingredients in recent fad diets; since these diets sound promising, few lead to any permanent weight loss.4 Some of the worst can even lead to health problems, such as, vitamin deficiencies or anemia. 5 Instead of being concerned with lasting weight loss, they are promoting radical changes that only last a short time. 6 Cutting out too many calories at once from your diet can lead to dizziness, heart palpitations, and even a slower metabolism.
7 Some thinkers suggest that fad diets are really a way for us to impose order on our chaotic world, hundreds of food choices, conflicting advice from various health experts. 8 So why diet at all?
How should Sentence 4 be rewritten?
Some of the worst can even lead to health problems such as vitamin deficiencies or anemia.
Some of the worst can even lead to health problems, such as vitamin deficiencies or anemia.
Some of the worst can even lead to health problems: such as, vitamin deficiencies or anemia.
Some of the worst can even lead to health problems such as, vitamin deficiencies or anemia.
Some of the worst can even lead to health problems, such as, vitamin deficiencies or anemia. (no change)
Some of the worst can even lead to health problems such as vitamin deficiencies or anemia.
The phrase “such as” generally does not require commas or other punctuation.
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