The Most Important Love is The Love For Self by William

The Most Important Love is The Love For Self by William - October 2013 Scholarship Essay

In life, Humans require food, shelter, and love and affection. It is only natural that we all long for
partnership and a companion. There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely and that something is missing.
However, the feeling of loneliness can sometimes send us on a desperate unhealthy search for love. Before
one starts to search for love, One needs to have love and acceptance for them self first. Without this
first requirement, the search can sometimes lead people down harmful and unhealthy choices.
Before I started college, I had a strong feeling of loneliness because I had been single for over a
couple of years at that point. In that time, my main purpose in life was to find a partner and companion
so I could feel comfortable and confident about myself. I started dating a woman my fist year of college. At first, everything seemed like the way a healthy relationship should feel.However, little did I know that I entered that partnership without this most important requirement which
was self love and acceptance. I noticed that in order for me to feel happy or in a good mood, I had to
have my partner's reassurance that I was a good man. I liked who I was, but I sometimes didn't believe I
was a great person because I didn't have much trust or confidence in myself. When a woman would tell me
that I was attractive, I would feel happy, secure, and comfortable. However, if I didn't hear those
compliments very often, I would start to question if I was attractive or not anymore and became insecure.
During the time I was dating this woman, I didn't have any idea that I was slowly becoming code-
dependent with her. If she was happy, then I was also.I was solely putting all of my reliance on a person and I couldn't seem to think straight or feel secure.I constantly was seeking validation from this woman so I could feel better about my insecurities.Despite the insecurities I was going through I proposed to marry her and she said yes.
My biggest fear at the time was that I was going to lose this person and be alone again. This fear
kept me in denial that I belonged with this woman. Although the relationship started out great, towards the end I was being mistreated and talked down upon by partner. I stayed in the relationship because I feared loneliness would be worse than the verbal abuse I was going through at the time. The control and verbal abuse kept getting stronger over the next couple of months
until my worst fear happened. One late night, my partner gave me a call and told me that she has found
someone else and had been dating this person while we were engaged. At this moment, my whole entire world
was turned upside down. I was very heartbroken and hurt because I loved this person. Little did I know what remarkable healing and self love process that was going to be taken place in the near future.
Although i was heartbroken, hurt, and lonely again, I had also had a feeling of acceptance because the
pain of losing a loved one slowly is a lot worse than when the time comes where you have lost the loved
one. My worst fear had happened to me. surprisingly, I didn't feel as devastated as I thought I would. The
reason for this was during the months prior to the separation, I had already been grieving the loss for her and didn't realize it. I surrounded myself with a lot of support and everyone told me that in order to get the love that I longed and wished for again, I had to fist love myself completely and unconditionally. It was at this time I decided that I was going to find out who I really was and bring to the surface all of my great values as a person. I decided to not to go searching for love again until I was at a point where I was happy and content with myself. Regardless if I was in a relationship or not.
Words cannot describe the remarkable quest that I was on at that time. Although I was still hurt and
grieving the loss, these feelings were short lived because each time I would start to feel lonely again, I
would catch myself and say "I deserve the best and I will find the right person for me once I am prepared
to have her". Over the course of a year, I found out how good I was at helping other people get through
their losses. I started to realize that I did not need any woman to tell me that I was attractive or a
good person because I knew that I was. I then acquired self confidence that made me happier than I ever was while in the relationship. The lesson I learned was without self love, one cannot learn to love others correctly. A year later, I found the right person and we have been together ever since.