The Classroom by Taylor

The Classroom by Taylor - September 2021 Scholarship Essay

A classroom discussion was never something I didn’t participate in if I had a viewpoint. There is always something to add to the table and I especially like to have my input on the table. Whenever someone opposes me, I like to listen because there is more than just my understanding of a situation and, as my dad likes to say, even if you know something you should still listen to someone because you might learn something new. When the thing I know is a personal belief however, the discussion became heavier hearted.
In English class we discuss various things, and this year’s topic was gender roles. Now this topic is heavy today, but education tends to distribute the weight. The challenger appears in the form of “God’s not real” in reference to why were people made this way and looking at it from a religious perspective. I am religious, so I was ready to speak, I was ready to voice the knowledge instilled into me since I was a curious kid, but then these words enter my head. What kind of response should I give?
First, I listen. Behind a claim should be a reason, and in a discussion, everyone deserves a chance to speak. So, I did so, and behind this claim I found there was an opinion. One that I don’t had no basis nor the evidence, and existed simply because the person didn’t believe that there should be a God. This opinion, as voiced by the challenger wasn’t based on any book, just a viewpoint in their life. And this view is valid, not everyone will share my viewpoint, but that wasn’t where my challenge lied. I personally felt heavy hearted, because there wasn’t just one challenger, but various challengers, and I was not confident in explaining my understanding. I wasn’t confident in explaining my viewpoint to my classmates.
Second, I respond. I asked if it’s alright to give a response from my perspective and explain the biblical aspect of gender roles and got the okay. But in explaining I fumble up some words, then I am asked another question, one that I know the answer to since a child. I know the evidence and could recite it with ease in any situation, except for this one. For the life of me I couldn’t remember what the verse was, and it frustrated me.
The reason why I wasn’t confident was simply because this was a fear of mine. Being a Christian, I know the preconceptions others already have of my religion, and I was never confident in my ability to change this view in properly representing my religion. I knew I had this fear, and when confronted with reality I did what I believed I’d do and fumbled. I honestly didn’t know what to do after and ended up being worked up for the rest of the class.
The real challenger in this situation wasn’t the class, nor was it the discussion about gender roles, but myself, to be more specific my belief in myself. I wasn’t confident in my knowledge about my religion, and because of that I wasn’t able to share the knowledge I knew when given the opportunity. I was frustrated because I knew I was capable of more, and because wanted to be more capable. I didn’t like this reality I was faced with but was anxious to change it.
My solution to this was to dig around inside of myself. I didn’t initiate any conversation in my classroom but instead initiated a discussion in myself. I wanted to fix what was truly bugging me, and that was my faith. I wasn’t strong in my faith and because of that I didn’t feel strong in my knowledge. This was important for me to learn because I use my religion as a guide to my life, and if I’m feeling conflicted, I’d need to explore why that is. This is something I am still exploring, but the knowledge that I gained in this experience, that the foundations in my life are shaping and being reconstructed, was both scary and exciting. Scary because it’s change, but exciting because there are still parts of me, I get to discover, and that’s always an opportunity for greatness.