Realizing my dreams by Tatiana

Realizing my dreams by Tatiana - October 2014 Scholarship Essay

I woke up to the sound of sirens. As I tried to focus through dilated pupils, I made out my mother's face near mine. She was holding my hand and telling me not to be frightened. I was eight years old. I just had a prolonged grande mal seizure and had been unresponsive. When the EMS arrived, I was taken to the ER for some tests. After several more seizures and many more trips to the hospital for even more testing, I started on anti-seizure medication.

Shortly thereafter, I switched schools from a Spanish curriculum in international school to all English at the local Catholic school. The combination of epilepsy, anti-seizure medication, lessons in a different language and an endless blur of appointments to doctors and therapists made for a very difficult time in my life. Because of the cognitive effects of my medication, lessons took twice as long. It was difficult to focus and grasp new concepts. I did homework for hours with extra work on weekends. What was once easy became almost impossible. My seizure focus was at my speech center. I went from a girl who communicated in several languages to one who mixed up prepositions. I spoke "funny" and some of my classmates mocked me. I lost the ability to do things like tie my shoes or use chopsticks (hard to explain to my Korean grandmother). I developed a reading tic and visual convergence problem. I was under a daily time crunch because I required a lot of sleep to prevent additional seizures. My mother, a surgeon, reduced her hours to part-time in order to help with my school work and drive me to daily therapies.

But I learned to work harder and not give up. Excelling took additional practice which consumed most of my free time. I did extra homework lessons on the weekend to make time for piano lessons on Monday. I worked with a swimming coach and joined a swim clinic. The piano practicing helped my fine motor coordination and the swimming was for my gross motor skills. I worked with tutors, a speech therapist, occupational therapist and visual therapist several times a week.

Finally the day arrived where I had been seizure free for two years, and I was able to start the slow process of tapering my medication. I was off medications by the end of Grade 10. There are some remaining sequelae from the seizure and medications. My speech is a bit off and sometimes people think I am a foreigner. I am still dyspraxic and my vision is not 100% binocular. And the lingering fear of having another seizure always remains in the back of my mind.

However, all in all, I have come out ahead despite having had a disability so long. Having epilepsy helped me develop solid study skills and an empathy towards others. I know I can succeed with hard work. And now I know I would like to help others succeed, too.

For several years, I attended an epilepsy summer camp with neurologists and nurses from Children's Medical Center. This year I went back as a counselor in training. I had the opportunity to assist younger children with epilepsy. Through the camp, I have met many others with epilepsy. Some have severe physical limitations and others are similar to me. I was able to work with children and make them feel safe and normal like any other child at camp. Through the experience, I came to realize that I would like to teach special education one day. I believe I have the patience and the understanding to help such children.

Having had experiences with tutors and therapists and living with epilepsy, I believe an ideal classroom environment would give children all the extra therapeutic support they need in a emotionally supportive environment. I believe other children can be taught to be empathetic and supportive of their peers. I believe that creating such an environment is possible if specialists work together with each other, in addition to the parents of the children. I hope that I have the opportunity to create this type of classroom in the future.

While that ride in the ambulance seems so long ago, I know that the experience of living with epilepsy will always be a part of me. I hope to use the experience to help others and look forward to beginning my studies in education.