What advice would you have given yourself five years ago? Why? by Tam

What advice would you have given yourself five years ago? Why? by Tam - April 2021 Scholarship Essay

The advice I would have given myself five years ago is never be ashamed of who I am and where I came from. I was born and raised in a small and beautiful country called Vietnam. My family decided to move to the United States when I was 12 with the hope that my siblings and I could get a better future. I have always dreamed of going to America growing up because everyone said it’s a land of opportunity and promises. Although, no matter how much I wanted to come to the United States, my love for Vietnam will never change. That beautiful country raised me and a lot of my family relatives are still there. Leaving my family, friends, and all the beautiful and unique cultures that nowhere else in the world has behind was hard. But, I was ready to start a new life in the country where everyone referred to as the best country in the world.
Sadly, my perfect American dream didn’t last long. Life in America for the first few years was definitely a struggle. I could barely speak and understand English. Conversations in an unfamiliar language buzzed around my ears. I found myself almost like a deaf and pathetic person all the time for not understanding any English. I struggled a lot to learn the new language. At home, my big sister and I always have to help our parents with their bills and paper issues because they don't speak English. As a seventeen year old, I have to interpret for my parents with their insurance problems, housing, taxes and banking questions. Even worse when I had to translate and argue with someone over the phone about a billing issue. Everytime I have to make a phone call I feel like I am going to get a heart attack. School vocabulary didn't help me much with the translation. For a long time I blamed myself for not being smart enough to understand English better. I felt useless for not being able to help my parents with their paperwork. Having to deal with things that are too much for my age always made me feel very anxious and overwhelmed. Back to when I was younger, waking up and going to school was a nightmare for me and I’ve found myself struggling to make friends. I spent almost all my middle school years sitting by myself during lunch because I couldn’t make any friends. My family wasn’t well-off like other kids’ families, we had to rely on the financial support from the government a lot of the time. Therefore, all of my siblings and I received free lunch at school. I never told anyone about it because I didn’t want them to laugh or start to question me about my family’s financial status. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t too different from the kids at my school. I used to hide myself because I was ashamed of my background. I was afraid of letting people know English wasn’t my first language. I didn't want people to judge my accents and be different from them so I always tried to change myself to fit in. It was bad to the point that I wasn’t happy with my life and who I have become everyday. As I got older I started to realize the only person who was hurting was myself. Therefore, I stopped hiding myself and learned to love myself more.
Now looking back at all those five years with all the ups and downs, I can understand and communicate with the people around me. Even though life in America wasn't always perfect and overcoming the language and cultural barriers was hard, I have learned to adapt to this new environment. I also learned to love myself more and realized that I don't have to be sorry for who I am. I am proud of being an Asian American because that is where I came from.