Broken Parts by Simone

Broken Parts by Simone - February 2021 Scholarship Essay

I wish I could remember when I was so sick that I was close to the point of death, but I cannot.
Picture a girl ranked sixth in her class, voted Captain of her dance company, Co-President of the Technology Student Association, Vice President of her Jewish youth group, and in perfect health.
Behind this vision of a hardworking and successful girl, there is a side she does not let the world see. Her passion and drive overshadow her stress, sleep deficit, and lack of time management. She wants to be successful. In her eyes, that means prevailing in all of her extracurriculars and staying ranked at the top of her class--no matter how thin she spreads herself. She continues to push herself, even though she feels she is growing very sick.
Now, picture this girl as her health deteriorates rapidly. After a diagnosis of mononucleosis, her spleen enlarges, her digestive system comes to an abrupt halt, and her lungs fill with fluid. Picture her frail legs trembling as she stands. Watch her looking back at a feeble-bodied reflection in the mirror, twenty pounds lighter than two weeks before. Picture this girl groaning, biting her now slobbery sweatshirt from the pain shooting down her legs. She is told in a hospital bed that she is suffering from encephalitis-- swelling of the brain. Her arms have layers of wristbands from the Kennedy Krieger Brain Injury Clinic and the Children's Hospital Cardiac Clinic.
A month later, see this girl sitting before you in a stale conference room. After all she has been through, she is told she has no choice but to drop the classes and extracurriculars she loves. Watch the tears trickle down from her swollen eyes. Mascara is smeared all over her face and she hyperventilates helplessly. Imagine this girl’s world going numb as she is told she has developed a chronic cardiac condition.
This girl is me.
I was stripped of the ability to fight for my health and I had no strength to pursue what I loved most. Defeated and angry, I wanted the illness to win my life over. I felt like I had nothing left to fight for. My life as I knew it crumbled into a heap of what I thought were unsalvageable, broken parts.
But, it is not in my nature to give up.
I spent weeks relearning how to walk and balance, as I fought to regain my lost weight (totally not by eating only milkshakes and french fries). I toughened through the fatigue, determined to return to school. I did not want to be the victim of my illness anymore. After nine weeks, I returned to school with a shortened schedule and I was finally back to dancing (with more tripping over my feet this time).
My broken parts were slowly reassembling, but one piece was missing: my memory. Because of encephalitis, I can scarcely recall my illness. There is more to my story, but I cannot remember it. Even without a perfect memory, I can easily see the difference between the girl I once was and who I am today.
This illness allowed me to readjust my broken parts to design a more beautiful life. I got back to dancing eventually, but more importantly, I discovered the true meaning of success and I learned to appreciate the gift of life. In my mind, success always meant academic perfection. I skipped extracurriculars, family time, and sleep to do homework all night. Now, with better time management and a healthier mindset, I maintain a strong academic standing and I get to experience life.
Success is not working myself sick. Success is doing well academically without compromising my health and happiness; it is dancing; flying airplanes; laughing until I cry; overcoming something I thought at one point I never would. It is doing the best you can in a given circumstance. Success in this journey was picking up my broken parts, fixing them, and reshaping them into who I am now.
My definition of success will translate to my college experience. When I look back on my college journey, I will consider it successful if I have had an appropriate work-life balance. Aside from exploring my filmmaking coursework, I hope to dive into all of my interests inside and outside of the classroom (but maintaining a good sleep schedule this time). While embarking on study abroad programs and finding internships that suit my filmmaking career goals, I will gain the practical experience I strive for and become well-roudned. It will be a successful experience if I come out of college with a job, ready to express my values to the world, on-screen. Most of all, I know my college experience will be successful if I have found happiness and joy through out one of the most important phases of my life.
In retrospect, it was hard to face the challenge of my illness. However, I am grateful to understand that life is worth it and should not be taken for granted. I also learned that life is more than a letter on a report card. A good grade is still very important to me, however, the life experiences I have (and the people/things I surround myself with) are just as important in the journey throughout my successful life.