Thankful in the Storm by Shelby

Thankful in the Storm by Shelby - October 2020 Scholarship Essay

2020 has been one disaster after another. Physical distance from close friends brings an ache to the soul that no amount of binge-watching, exercise, or self-care can heal. But in the midst of all the chaos, I happened upon a book at Barnes and Noble, called "With Gratitude" by Marala Scott. I held the pretty blue cover in my hand and opened it up. Inside, words of deep and beautiful poetry were painted across the pages, each work expressing some form of gratitude. But gratitude goes deeper than thankfulness for good circumstances. It is often the joy of discovering blue sky on a cloudy day -- learning to look through everything that is going terribly, horribly wrong, and seeing the good. I bought the book.

As I read, I heard about appreciating the lessons that are only available by coming through an unhealthy relationship or a difficult time of life. How a dark night sky teaches you to value the stars, and loneliness, good friends. “Individual lessons, hurtful truths. They are meant to strengthen, not weaken you.” Marala writes in the poem, Challenges Reveal the Truth About You. This pandemic, this quarantine, has brought pain and even death. But that doesn’t mean there is nothing good, nothing that can be learned. I will never again take for granted the hug of my best friend. Big social gatherings used to overwhelm me, but now I recognize the camaraderie they foster. I never thought I would want to go to school, but now I would give almost anything to walk the halls in between classes with my friends, talk to a teacher before class, or even work in a group project with people I barely know. As long as it’s in person, face to face. And when that is our reality again, I will enjoy it all the more for having lost it.

On September 8th, 2020, our city burned. My hands shook as I threw my favorite t-shirt into a bag, watching the dark smoke billow over the hill. I remember vividly everything that happened. Flooding my neighbor's dry field to keep our houses safe. My brother and I, driving past our town at night, engulfed in flames, to our home that was safe. Learning that my best friend was not so lucky. Trying to do anything to help. It’s not enough. Ash rained from the sky for days. “Behind the smiles, there is pain. Behind the pain, there were smiles.” (Scott, Layers). This felt so true in the midst of our heartbreak. So happy to have our home, but feeling strange guilt because others did not. Sadness because of the homes lost, but happy everyone was safe. And there I find the gratitude -- in the things we have left. Our family and friends, relationships, and love. For me, my house. For our town, the school that survived. Gratitude doesn’t save us from sadness. Sorrow is meant to be felt. But it does give us hope for tomorrow, and sometimes that’s all we need to carry on.

Another thing I admire about Marala Scott’s poetry is that she places the title at the end of her work. For example, one poem goes, “It can ease the hurt, begin to repair damage, restore relationships, rebuild trust, and exhibit the acceptance of responsibility. It can work.” The title: A Meaningful Apology. By waiting until the end to reveal the name, the reader is able to approach the poem with their own experiences first and therefore hear a message specific to them. Then, after getting that interpretation, can they understand Scott’s purpose in writing the poem, and learn from her meaning. In that way, they are able to receive more lessons and understanding from the same poem.

“Don’t hesitate to add to life’s moments and make them better.” (Scott, A Willing Participant). Life is messy and life is painful. There will always be heartache, and hurt, and death. But when we are not afraid to interact with it, and find gratitude for all that is good and healing and beautiful, life is well worth living. “With Gratitude” was the best book I’ve read in 2020 by a landslide, because it is so relevant to this year, and the years to come. It has taught me to look for blue sky, even when the world is clouded with smoke. I know that when I can find gratitude I can find hope that will carry me through to tomorrow.