I wish... by Sequoia

I wish... by Sequoia - April 2021 Scholarship Essay

Five years ago I was about to graduate from middle school and enter into high school. I was so excited and nervous to become like the kids I had always looked up to, a high schooler. I had high expectations of my future experiences set from movies and tv shows as well as my older siblings and their friends. I wanted the cliche high school experience while also setting myself up for a successful future by doing well in school. At the time, everyone in my life that had already gone to high school constantly told me how bad their experience was and not to worry because everyone had a rough time, but I continued to believe they were just exaggerating and that my experience would be incredible. I wish I could go back in time and tell my past self this would not be the case and not to fantasize about this unrealistic expectation.
Going into high school I had a small group of very close friends. We all did gymnastics and spent every moment with each other. Although, as we met new people and discovered new interests, my friends began to spend more time with kids, who at the time I viewed as the stereotypical popular group. I tried to continue spending time with my friends but this was hard because I did not enjoy the company of the new kids they were hanging out with and I did not really fit in nor did I want to. I soon came to realize my friends valued the popularity more than their friendship with me. Although because of how close we were we continued to stay friends and because I was so caring and loyal I held on to their friendship. I wish I could go back and tell my past self that real friends would not act this way and that I need to explore my friendships with other people who genuinely cared about me.
I had a few friends that I had met in my classes who were kind and cared about me and our friendship, but because of my unrealistic expectations of high school, I clung to my friendship with the people who were distancing themselves more and more from me in order to chase the popularity. I wish I could tell my past self that in 5 years those fake friendships would be the downfall of my happiness and that now the new friends I had made are the ones who stuck around and supported me.
I wish I could tell my past self to not set these glorified possibilities of what I could become based on what I had seen others do. I wish I could tell myself to follow my gut and pursue interests and people that I enjoyed even if it was not what I had pictured for myself. The advice I would give to myself five years ago would be to experience life moment by moment not through the unrealistic expectations I had set for myself, and that if my life does end up straying from my plan to let it and just enjoy it.