I Will Not Be Devalued by Rebecca

I Will Not Be Devalued by Rebecca - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

I go up into the headstand and I am perfect.
Then, my black sequined glove starts to slip and I feel myself tipping.
I press down hard with my hands to keep my balance, but I can’t.
I fall.

I was two the first time my mom brought me to dance class; she had to carry me out like a football while I cried. However, I soon loved dancing and it became a part of me.

In middle school, I joined my school’s dance team. We performed at local competitions and won almost every one. Each year, we competed against teams from across the country in Nationals. In sixth grade, we won 8th place and in seventh grade, 6th place. In eighth grade, we were determined to climb even higher. Backstage, my heart was pounding. When our team ran onto the stage, I looked at the audience where more than one thousand people watched. As soon as I started dancing, my nervousness disappeared and I gave it my all. Our coach was in the front jumping up and down, clapping. When we finished, I felt incredible.

At the awards ceremony that night, hundreds of girls waited on the stage around a big table of trophies. As they announced the awards, we gripped each other’s hands until they called 4th place and announced our team. We were ecstatic! Since I was a team Captain, I accepted the trophy.

Since the beginning, the High School dance team was completely different. We practiced three days a week and all day on Saturdays. As the years went on, it got harder and more intense. My junior year we got a new coach. She was extremely competitive and didn’t want our time to be “fun.”

Right before Christmas break, I was hit in the head in gym and suffered a concussion. I had to miss dance practice for six weeks. When I came back, I wasn’t able to do the headstand that was the highpoint of our dance. My coach told me, “Get it perfectly and I’ll put you back in.” So, I practiced for two days until it was flawless. But when I showed my coach, she didn’t let me dance.

Day after day I sat on the sidelines while my team practiced. Each week for two months, I showed the coach my headstand and each week she said “You don’t have it perfect and I can’t do that to the team.” She wouldn’t let me dance, and I missed the state and national competitions. Many days after practice I went home and cried. Not only did this experience affect my dancing, but it also affecting my grades. It was not easy to keep my grades up when I was constantly miserable over a school activity.

One day she said, “We’re missing people for the Regional competition- You’ll have to do the dance.” It was the last competition of the year and I had a week to practice. The other girls were supportive, but the pressure was on me. Before we went onstage, everyone was watched me rehearse the headstand. I hit it perfectly. But on stage, I fell.

My coach was waiting offstage. “It’s fine,” she said, and walked away. Even though we ended up winning, I knew she was mad at me. A few weeks later at a team banquet, she ignored me the whole night.

I thought about dance team over summer break and found myself dreading the idea of returning in the fall. After reflecting on my experience this past year and how my coach treated me, I decided to quit the team.

It is a drastic change not to dance anymore. However, I do not regret my decision because I know I didn’t really fail by falling, by quitting. I succeeded because I learned I will not be devalued. I never received thanks for completing the difficult year, but I learned that I do not need anyone’s praise in order to be successful. So, my failure turned into my victory.