I am Three Dimensional by Neriah

I am Three Dimensional by Neriah - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

I stared at the grade in front of me until my vision blurred. Not passing, failing. I felt hot moisture behind my eyes and could not fight it. Salty tears barreled down my face and I wiped them away. But I studied for so long. And I failed. I did not fail. I gulped and felt the weight of the grade. This was a final, a whopping seven percent of my semester. I squeezed my eyes shut. How would my parents react?

Throughout winter break, I felt the temptation of accepting my fate in my precalculus class and giving up. But that grade was not my worth. It did not make me; it was not my motivation, my drive, my identity. I realized that I was three dimensional, not just made up by my actions and achievements, my struggles and experiences. Words on paper did not make me. It had seemed cataclysmic at the moment, and I promised myself that I would not let it happen again.

The semester began and I was put to the test, literally, and figuratively. The tests became harder and I felt buried underneath the workload. I pushed through. With the help of my teacher, my friends, I took all of the opportunities I could to improve my grade. I would not let one setback defeat me. Even as the year got closer to its end, I still searched to learn, and achieve my best.

Math had never been my strong suit. I, seemingly endlessly, continually had to struggle, battle to focus my full attention after a long school day, and study. Exams were always harder than the class itself, and I could feel pressure fracturing and splitting my work ethic. How could I continue this way?

Self-doubt crept up my spine, laced through my fingers, and shot through the pencil between my fingers. I could not recall if I was using the right formula for the problem. Was it? Should I rely on myself? Guess? I felt panic settling in my gut, and attempted to squash it down. I could not second guess myself. After changing the answer so many times I forgot which one I had initially started with, I bubbled in my answer sheet. Now all I had to do was wait by the computer, refreshing and constantly checking for my grade on the student portal.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I had passed. Unexpectedly. Not with a C, or a B, but an A. An A minus, but still an A. I had exceeded my own expectations, surprising myself. I had worked, stayed up late, submitted to my homework for hours to get this grade on my spring final. And it had been worth it. I had fought and slayed my dragon, I was my own knight in shining armor. I had done this, studied for myself. And I had gotten there.