BFF: The story BEHIND my FRIENDSHIP FAILURE by Micayla

BFF: The story BEHIND my FRIENDSHIP FAILURE by Micayla - February 2017 Scholarship Essay

A time I failed at something. Hmm, hard to think - I guess I’m perfect. JUST KIDDING. No one is perfect and I know that far too well. During my freshman year at university I was determined to create lifelong friendships. Looking back now as a second semester sophomore, I believe I failed at this. In the following essay I will describe how I failed, how I learned my lesson and how I am improving in this area.

The beginning of my failure to find lasting friendships began when, in my first year of university, I embraced the lie that I needed to be in a group of friends, instead of focusing on building individual relationships. One reason this happened was because I was unintentionally trying to replace my group of friends from home with a brand new set. My friendships from home took over five years to cultivate and yet I expected a few weeks to produce the beginnings of a core friend group. I felt the need to be part of a strong clique of girls who would do everything together, and in the end, that's what I got. By the end of my first semester I discovered myself in the midst of a group of girls who all looked, dressed and acted the same. It wasn’t until I had a conversation with a classmate that I realized my head was telling me I needed a group, but my heart was aching for one genuine connection.

Acknowledging my mistake was hard. At first I denied the legitimacy of my classmate’s words, telling myself that a group of friends was what I needed to build lasting friendships. Soon, however, I recognized that I always felt uncomfortable around the clique that had formed and was constantly wondering if I was good enough to be part of the group. I looked around at other students and saw the kind of friendships I wanted: individuals making time for other individuals who had similar interests, passions, etc. I realized that I had failed to find genuine connections with individuals because I was so focused on fitting into a group of friends. A little while later I read a book unrelated to the topic of friendship – except for one action step listed at the end. It said, “Surround yourself with people who inspire you.” (The Artisan Soul, Erwin McManus) As I became more distanced from the group, I saw that these girls did not inspire me. They certainly had good qualities but because I was so focused on fitting into the group, I could not be myself. I had failed to make lasting friendships because I was immersed in the lie that I needed to have a clique of friends.

I failed to create lasting friendships my freshman year, but now as I look back on the lesson I learned, I know that I have already improved immensely and am growing more every day. I began my sophomore year in a new dorm, with a new roommate and new opportunities for friendships to grow. I started making time for classmates who expressed interest in getting to know me. Although I am introverted, I made an effort to talk to people on campus. I put myself out there, instead of waiting to be invited. I have seen the benefit of this way of making friends in so many ways. One example is my friend Anna. I met her during a work shift the last week of freshman year. The first couple weeks back during the fall semester of my sophomore year we had dinner. A few weeks later, after chatting on and off, she invited me to go camping in Joshua Tree National Park with her. I had an amazing trip growing my friendship with her –and getting to know two of her other friends.

It isn’t always easy to apply the lesson I learned about making lasting friendships. Sometimes I find myself wishing I were part of a group when I see pictures on Instagram or hear stories from high school friends about their new friend groups. Leaving that group of girls my freshman year was hard, but in the end I am so glad I recognized my failure to make lasting friendships and that I started down a new path of growing individual relationships.