Singing with Strep by Melanie

Singing with Strep by Melanie - February 2017 Scholarship Essay

Like every young human, I tend to lack some confidence in my abilities. One of my biggest fears is failure. And failure in front of other people? That is my worst nightmare! I strongly dislike people thinking I am terrible at something and I guess before I did this assignment, I had the mindset that I was terrible and things. So, when I shockingly found out I had made it to region for my solo, I immediately decided to not go. After battling with myself for many days, I brought it up with my sister who happened to be my accompanist. She, having been in Choir the year previous year, insisted I go. I said no.

I thought about it and decided it might be a good experience. I love receiving constructive criticism, (It’s the truth I promise!) and as my color guard coach says, “When people stop screaming at you that you are doing something wrong, they stop caring.” The original quote is quite different, but that is how she chose to word it. So because I absolutely want to improve vocally, I signed my initials on a piece of paper. That part wasn’t really out of my comfort zone, but little did I know that a nightmare was about to come true.

As the day of region grew closer, I practiced almost every day. I was excited and very nervous. I closely focused and narrow sections of the song and tried to implement all of my teachers ideas to my piece. I sang in front of a mirror to work on my emotional portrayal, and sang in front of my brother-in-law. Even that made me incredibly nervous. The Saturday before the dreaded day, I had a sore throat and a fever. My throat was swollen and fiery red. I was taken to a doctor who said I had very swollen tonsils and possibly strep. He stuck a stick down my throat and cultured it, proving I had strep. I was so mad at my immune system for failing me! Now I had to perform with a ghastly throat.

The day arrived. I had consumed countless bottles of water and lots of honey water and my throat was still disagreeing with me. Angered, I decided I would do my best. I entered the room and heard a beautiful soprano singing. I peeked to see the judges and shockingly saw none other than Mr. Taylor, my choir teacher himself, sitting among the crowd. Not only would I have adjudicators and random people staring me down, now my favorite teacher would see me perform. I shakily walked in front of the small (very small) crowd. I faked confidence and announced my piece and accompanist. As I started singing I grew confidence. I felt pretty good! Soon my throat started burning. I ignored it and sang out. All of a sudden my voice cracked. Many times. Many, many, many times. I could feel my face burning, but I just continued singing. As my piece finished, I felt ashamed. Ashamed of myself and how I had done. I smiled as I walked out, but inside I felt distressed and anxious. I wanted so badly to show what I could do, and I had failed. All I could think about was how horrible I had done, and how Mr. Taylor would think less of me. On the drive home, I realized something. Accepting myself was out of my comfort zone. I realized how often I find myself worrying and beating myself up about mistakes and faults. So I determined to stop. Many thoughts entered my head in the short drive, about how horrible and awful and disgusting I sounded. But I pushed them away and focused on little achievements. I was surprised how strange and uncomfortable it felt to be okay with my errors. I came to the conclusion that I did my best with strep. And that’s okay.

From this "Failure", I have accepted my flaws. I’m not perfect. I am constantly improving and learning and gaining knowledge. Even though something unfortunate happened, it didn’t break me or make me want to give up. Thanks to this experience, I am much better at accepting situations and myself. I have learned so much about myself, and I'm happy with myself.