When "If" Became Enough by Mariah

When "If" Became Enough by Mariah - August 2020 Scholarship Essay

Just a little background for myself: nine years ago, I had just finished high school and was about to start my first semester of college. I hadn’t planned very far ahead but was dead set on pursuing an animal science degree, to eventually become a vet. After a semester, I realized it wasn’t for me and decided to embark on a different degree path—music. I started from the bottom with everything; sight-reading, playing the piano, ear-training, etc. My time spent was very rewarding, but my passion for music dwindled over the years, as a loved hobby became a chore. Since graduating, I traveled, worked various jobs, and experimented with other passions to learn more about myself. Living like that has is rewards and lessons but isn’t sustainable long-term. “So now what?”, I ask myself. I wanted a career that I could enjoy even during the difficult grinds, but I wasn’t qualified for the types of jobs I wanted. It became clear that I needed to go back to school, and so I did.

There are apparent differences from my first college experience to the current journey, the biggest being the cost of tuition, considering this time around I am paying out-of-pocket. Aside from that, I have a different friend group, most of which are older than myself and are working towards doctorate degrees or are professionals in their respective fields. They often talk about some of the hardships they face with their research, classes, advisors, or jobs, all of which is useful information when I consider my future. A lot of the knowledge they have are things I wish I knew about when I was getting my first degree: the variety of scholarship opportunities, how to become an undergraduate researcher, what to think about when preparing for graduate school, and in the grandeur scheme of things: what is it that I want out of life? I found all of these aspects of knowledge to be vital for a successful college experience as they are topics that were never discussed during high school.

Thinking ahead towards graduate school, I take all of these into account when I read research papers of professors I potentially want to work for. So what characteristics make graduate school unique to me? As I was recently told, graduate school is the last time I can really experiment with different ideas before entering the workforce… unless I do a post-doc. After that, there are minimal opportunities to learn concepts that I am interested in considering the amount of time a job requires and takes out of a person’s life. If that’s the case, I want to work towards finding an advisor that is willing to take risks with me. My advisor would be knowledgeable in their field to willingly give advice, but also allow me to go off in the deep end and explore my capabilities on my own. They are a collaborator as well as a mentor. This will take time to nurture, as there are many people and unless we are able to interview each other, it’s unknown if a healthy relationship can develop.

My experiences with my friends have allowed me to peek inside different labs, and I’ve learned that I don’t want to spend a majority of my time in a cold room. Preferably I would like to conduct research that entailed travel to locations inaccessible to the public, in the far depths of mountains or forests, collecting samples and studying local flora and fauna. For what reason? For the purpose of learning. Not to have papers published in the best academic journals, or time spent at a desk writing grants. Granted these things will occur, but they aren’t the sole reason for research. On top of that, I could attend conferences across the globe and conduct research with people from different universities and academic backgrounds freely. This is at a cost though, but that is something that has already been figured out and planned before my arrival. My advisor and I will have written and received enough grant money that allows me to attend graduate school for free, so that I can focus on learning while conducting research that is important to myself and the peers I work with.

Considering these things has completely changed how I operate going through school and what I focus on during the day-to-day. Specifically speaking, focusing on the different facets I want out of life and how to get there. Currently I am studying conservation biology, a decision that took me a few years to become comfortable with. I never considered myself someone who could be a scientist or work on real issues at hand. Chemistry is difficult for me, whereas to others it’s a breeze. Regardless of the difficulties I’ll face, I’ve committed myself to this path because I enjoy animals and plants and I am always in the mountains. It just makes sense to move forward on this new journey.