Failure by Margaret

Failure by Margaret - November 2013 Scholarship Essay

Entering my freshman year of highschool , I, just like countless other license-lacking teens, begrudgingly boarded the bus every morning to catch a ride to school. Everyone slumped in their seats and remained silent for the duration of the ride. We were there out of necessity, not to be social. All of us were on the same page in that matter, except for an odd senior boy. Slightly chunky, slightly thinning blond hair, and slightly too old to be riding the bus. He always greeted everyone with a smile and genuineness I have yet to find anywhere else. As the school year went on, myself and some other neighborhood kids, including this boy, got to know each other through the daily rides.

April 27, 2011 this boy, Zach Kline, put a gun to his head, pulled the trigger, took his life, and changed mine forever. The ride home from school that day had been just like any other. The neighborhood teens sat in the back of the bus and joked with one another. Zach was his normal cheery self, offering gum to us all like he did everyday. Little did we know it would be our last ride all together. Later on when we were home, my dad walked through the door with a sick expression on his face. He called my older sister and I into the kitchen, asking us if we knew a boy named Zach Kline. We warily said we did, and he told us what had happened just two streets down from our house.

Looking back, I never noticed any tell tale signs to his terrible inner turmoil. He was a happy, selfless boy, stuck in the world of selfishness and cruelty. Maybe thats what he saw when he looked at us, and maybe thats what tainted his take on life. I’ve never felt such extreme shock and disbelief before in my life. How could this have happened? Suicide is something you never expect to touch your own life, and when it does nothing can prepare you for the brutal reality. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, a million thoughts raced through my head, none of them coherent. How did he do it? Was it really Zach? Why did he do it? I saw him every single morning and never did it cross my mind that he had been feeling that way inside. I couldn't reach outside my own selfish comfort zone and inquire about his day, even offer him a piece of gum. I failed by contributing to the fast moving, self absorbed society that didn’t care about anyone else. I gave in to the social norm of selfishness and failed to see what was wrong in those actions until it was too late.

I realize now that his death is by no means just my fault. His whole community failed him, by not seeing what he was struggling with day after day. For not realizing the impact we were having on his lonely mind. We all were too busy leading our own lives to even wonder about how someone else was doing. What could we have done differently to save Zach? His choice changed my whole view on life, whether I wanted it to or not. I took him for granted, and he took his life.
Every day there are choices we make, actions we take without considering their possible repercussions. This whole culture is failing, and it shouldn't have to take a situation as terrible as suicide to make us realize we need to change. We need to step outside our comfort zones and into our neighbors lives, even our enemies, and make a positive difference. It makes me sick knowing people everywhere are failing to reach out and care about their peers. If we choose to ignore the Zach Klines of life, we will continue to fail.