You don't know what you've got till it's gone.. by Lizeth

You don't know what you've got till it's gone.. by Lizeth - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

Beginning at the age of five following us through for the next thirteen years, school becomes a natural part of life. You can choose to embrace it or you can reject it. I always considered myself an intelligent student. I made great marks in higher level courses, attended on air book talks, received awards and recognition in the paper but I rejected it and all the success I achieved became worthless.

My greatest achievement occurred during my third grade year. It was the year an essay I wrote won the Doorways scholarship award at Kings Highway Elementary School. Doorways pays for four years tuition, of college, for students who are unable to. I carried this scholarship until my senior year, where all hell broke lose in my life, and due to too many absences I lost it. Although I was an honor student, I grew to not care much for academics or school in general. There were some classes I only attended a couple times a semester. I managed to get through grades by just showing up on test days. I lacked any motivation to succeed and lost any will to be exceptional. Before I knew it my greatest achievement became my worst failure. After I was informed that my scholarship was being revoked after nine years I hopelessly fell apart and dropped out of high school. At that time I was young and thought working as a waitress making tips was the better path to take. Of course I was sadly mistaken.

Three years later my life has completely changed. I used to be acknowledged as the star in my family, the one who was actually going to make it far. Instead I turned out to be a statistical cliche: Hispanic single mom with a GED. It's a funny thing though what your kids will inspire in you. My son Noah is five months old and it is because of him that I finally have that motivation to illuminate my future. I sometimes wonder what would have been if I could have salvaged my scholarship but then I imagine I would not have made better choices because I simply did not care. To not care about something is to abandon, misuse, and neglect.I would have hopped, skipped, and jumped right through college and eventually I would have probably given up.

I'd like to think that losing that scholarship was a painful lesson I badly needed for the years to come. It taught me that you should not take for granted a helping hand especially when it is so easy to get lost. It taught me that you have to tire your brain and weaken your hands with effort because today it is so easy to become unfocused and lose. It's at that point, when you don't know what you've got until it's gone, that it is so tempting to put the blame on the world. But in reality, you knew exactly what you had it just never occurred to you that you'd lose it. I rocketed through school with plenty of fuel and flew for years holding onto my scholarship. Yet at the end of my journey I lost sight and my dreams disappeared and "my" scholarship was no longer mine. I believe failure with the proper understanding can make you wise. That bitter taste of failure made me strong in the sense that I will not be naive and let myself down again.

This time failure is not an option. I am proud to declare that I finally have ambition and that for the first time in my life I care about my future.