Failing Forward by Lisa

Failing Forward by Lisa - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

At the end of my first year at college, I declared neuroscience as my major. This was an exciting decision that I was looking forward to perusing. The brain is fascinating, and my desire to study it was undeniable. For the first time, I looked forward going to classes. Compared to high school core classes like algebra, world history, and drivers ed, it was exciting to be actually taking classes where I looked forward to read the text books. In fact, it was surreal.

Of course, it was not easy. The classes were difficult, stressful, and time consuming. But the idea of neuroscience pushed me through; that is until I got to calculus. Calculus was never clear to me. The formulas did not make sense, the language was foreign and the reasoning was complex. I felt like I was drowning, and they fact that everyone else in the class was either excelling or withdrawing was not very comforting. Having dealt with anxiety my whole life, this was not something that I could just "deal with" and "get over". I had to make a decision, and after a lot of discussion with my advisers, teachers, and parents, along with serious consideration on my part, I withdrew from the class.

In my mind, I failed. Withdrawing from a class was never something I planned on doing, and I thought I let everyone down. I made myself sick with worry and feared that I made the wrong decision. But then I tried something I have never really done before. I stopped worrying about what others were thinking of me, and focused on myself. I knew that calculus was not for me. This led me to the fact that I had to change my major; mastering calculus is necessary for neuroscience. This is where I made a potentially life-altering decision. I changed my major to psychology.

Again, I had to prevent what others where thinking from seeping into my brain. Psychology is sometimes mocked for being "easy" and a "useless degree". But what those people do not understand is that psychology is everywhere. It explains why people do what they do and even provides ways to alter behavior. Criminal justice, medicine, and the corporate world have all been drastically altered by the field of psychology. I plan to continue changing the world after earning my degree. Just because I withdrew from calculus does not mean that I lost my chance of doing something worth while.

That is what this academic failure taught me. Not only did I make the right decision, and not only am I studying something that interests me, but I have learned more about myself as a person. I am going to do what I think is best, and if there are people out there that disagree with me, then I am obviously doing something right.

Failure is everywhere. And it can be useful when you fail forward. Failing forward means taking your failures in stride, learning from them, and growing as a person. Failures may completely change your world, but who ever said all change was bad?