Anything But... by Lilly

Anything But... by Lilly - June 2017 Scholarship Essay

I flaunted down the hall in my leather boots, purple swimsuit, zebra skirt, and crazy hat. I struck a pose at the end of the hall, and strut straight back into my pink room for an outfit change. I was a model, a protégée at six.
However, being a model was not my aspirational career goal. Instead, I was inspired by eldest sister’s reality television show about competing models. In reality, my true desire was to be a mother, to tote real children around in my stroller, not the fake somewhat scary plastic doll versions I had. This goal has remained with me as I have aged, however, the horizon has broadened with each additional year. At twelve, I decided that I must be a college professor, an odd goal for a child. Yet, I found the idea riveting, standing before a crowd, pacing around in my spectacles, mimicking all the actions my eldest sister described at Thanksgiving break around a turkey. The next goal became midwife, then translator, then so many more. However, there was one career path I always refused, becoming a doctor.
Even as a child, the adults in my life remarked about by natural career path as a doctor. I am still unclear why each of these tall looming figures made such comments. Perhaps it was my desire to see boo-boos, my lack of fear towards blood, or the way I rushed to put an adhesive bandage on any injured friends, or stuffed animals (also friends). However, I despised all of these comments. I never wanted to be a doctor, for one very simple reason—many of the doctors I had met were grumpy, too serious to be fun, and a bit materialistic. I never wanted to be like the doctor who told me I was a foolish girl and silly teenage girl who could never understand the consequences of not choosing to have a cast. Surely, he had my safety in mind, but let me tell you, I survived that injury, the only thing bruised was my ego. Nor did I want to be the doctor who had to deliver someone’s stillborn love. Please, do not misunderstand, I found the career path of a doctor to be noble—helping people each day, being part of the biggest moments of a person’s life, and so many more things that cannot be seen on a reality show based in the ER. Yet, I wanted a career path that would allow me to help people, while also maintaining my kind and compassionate nature I was concerned I might lose in the long race towards becoming a doctor. However, as I entered college, I realized that the world might need someone like me, someone who just wants to help. There was never a single moment of realization, but rather, a gradual awareness. I could be the person who tells the young couple they are about to have a baby girl, and the person who hands that same couple their baby girl. I understand that with the role I am the person who has to tell the young couple that there was a miscarriage, that the baby did not make it. I don’t know if I am ready for that role, but I know that I am ready to help, because I care. I want to be there when the smiles as big as the baby spread across the family’s face, to be the comforting guide for much more than nine months.
So, you see, I still want to be a mother, my first role model goal holds true. Yet, now, I want to help other’s become mothers as well. As my education has furthered, the very long race towards becoming a doctor becomes shorter and shorter. I have learned that time passes, regardless if I take the additional AP class, or the additional year of education. Thus, I might as well spend my time working towards a goal that will make me very happy in the long run. So, no, I do not plan on becoming a model, but maybe a model citizen. The only thing I ever plan on professing is my shame and love towards reality television. I will likely never become a translator, but I still hope to be fluent in Spanish—as well as carry Google Translator in my pocket. I still have hope for becoming a mother, but worst case scenario, I adopt many dogs. In terms of my most recent career goal, I am still working towards becoming a doctor. However, I am keeping unicorn and mermaid as backup options. My six-year old self would want that.