A Failure that Led me to Learn by Kayla

A Failure that Led me to Learn by Kayla - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

I grew up in a very loving environment. My family was always there to support and encourage me no matter what the circumstances were. I never felt the need to rebel or stray away from what I was taught for a couple of reasons. One reason I felt this way was due to the fact that my family never made me feel left out of anything. We were all in everything together as a unit, so I found the idea of gaining attention through making mistakes was not necessary. Another reason came from personal conviction. I had also grown up around my church family and was taught the importance of basing my life on Jesus and living a life that would honor Him. At that time, I assumed "honoring him" meant following the rules and being a "good kid". I suppose it took some time before I knew what honoring really meant.

It wasn't long before I started to grow up from childhood fantasies and reality began to set in. Many changes had occurred in my life. My dad was re-married and no longer focused on just the two of us. My only other mother figure in my life, my grandmother, was now further away because we moved out into a bigger house. A lot of hidden pain had set in my heart and I got very tired. After three miserable years of middle school and moving out of a life I had loved, it was time for high school. By the start of my freshman year, I had figuratively thrown my hands up in the air and decided to no longer have goals, dreams, or try so hard to be "good". Life at home never felt good like it used to, so I figured that I should stop the pointless hard work and put other priorities in front of school and family. My new priority was friends and fun and whatever would get me intro trouble. I went dramatically from feeling like everything was under control to going out of control. Next thing I knew, I was one semester into high school and I had failed three of my classes. I still remember the look on my father's face when he saw my report card. The flood of tears in his eyes and the lines across his brow displayed the deepest level of hurt and anger. I had finally felt like I had gotten his full attention, but it didn't even feel good this time. I realized biggest error I made was that I had given up on everything. This hurt my dad and it hurt me even more. I knew that life wouldn't work this way.

Quickly, I began to re-involve myself with my family at church and my family at home. I knew that it was impossible to do everything right and perfectly. I knew that as humans, we all fail at times and that we are not even close to perfect. I also learned that Jesus was the one perfect being in my life, and that he never wanted me to just be a "good girl". He wanted me to run to him and let him carry me through the hurt and disappointment I carried through the dramatic changes in my life. He reminded me that his love gave the ultimate strength to accomplish anything, so long as I looked to him. This is exactly what I decided to do through the rest of my high school and college career. Though I have still reached some stumbling blocks and have struggled in some classes more than others, I know that I will never give up on how hard I try. I have full confidence in this because I know where my strength comes from. I learned that my imperfections bring plenty of room for God to show his power through me...even when I am feeling empty and my strength is almost gone. Learning this lesson from my mistakes has brought me to the college I am now attending and the nursing program I am now a part of. Though the material of nursing is not easy, I know that I will find the strength and the power to get through it and learn from it and become a great nurse. I cannot wait to see what other lessons I learn through the rest of my college career.