Catching Myself by Kayla

Catching Myself by Kayla - February 2017 Scholarship Essay

There is a quote, “It is not how many times you fall down, it is how many times you get back up,” for me, I have fallen infinite times in my seventeen years and managed to stand up unscathed, but three years ago I fell to rock bottom and for the first time struggled to stand back up. The morning of December 22nd, 2013 I woke up nauseous, but brushed it off as I faltered into the bathroom. The muffled sounds of the light augmented as if I were in a vacant tunnel. The last I remember I was reaching for the door handle, but I never grasped it for when I woke my head was wedged in the trashcan. Once stable, I was pleased to find my mother. However, as her mouth opened her words entered the same vacant tunnel and I prepared myself for the unknown once again. When I awoke my mother described the horror show of me fainting in her arms.
The next five hours were spent searching for answers, first at the hospital, and then at the cardiologist. Ultimately, the cardiologist diagnosed my fainting as a symptom of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia syndrome. The doctor informed me my blood pressure changes drastically when I change positions, causing me to faint. She warned me it is easy to manage by staying hydrated and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, but if I did not take care of myself the symptoms could worsen. Walking out of the doctor’s office that day I realized only I could keep myself from falling again. I was regimen for the first few months, drinking the recommended forty ounces of water and exercising daily. However, as the fear of fainting diminished, I got comfortable with my old lifestyle and childishly stopped paying attention to my health.
The morning of December 20th, 2014, I was at the gym when I noticed the voices around me enter that familiar vacant tunnel, and gulped as I prepared for the fall that I could have prevented. When I awoke I was informed I did not only faint, but seized as well. I had failed myself. In the past I had my parents, coaches, and friends to help me stand up after I fell, but now I was alone. It was then I realized they were still there to catch me when I fall, but only I could help myself stand up. I had to learn to put away my immature ways and take care of myself. I am ecstatic to report I have been faint free for almost two years by maintaining a healthy lifestyle. In the course of one year I had fallen three times, but it is the fact that I stood up taller after each failure that I have let define me. As I prepare for the next chapter in my life, I cannot help but be grateful for that year of failures for it taught me to stand on my own.