Who I Never Thought I Would Be by Kaitlyn

Who I Never Thought I Would Be by Kaitlyn - June 2017 Scholarship Essay

6-year old Kaitlyn believed the world to be perfect. Her parents were together, family was fun to be around, and life was good. As a 6-year-old, she wanted to be a veterinarian because animals were her passion. Or maybe a nurse just like her mom. Or maybe a world famous chef because she loved to cook. Whatever it was, she wanted to do something that would make her happy and keep her active. However, paradise began to change. Her parents had been fighting more often, causing her and her brother to be scared often. Eventually, Kaitlyn’s parents got divorced. Her parents would try to pit her and her younger brother against the other parent. Home life was strained, and chores that should not be for young kids were put onto their backs. Life seemed like too much, but eventually her parents became friends, and life became calmer. Kaitlyn’s dreams of being someone who did nothing but help others had not changed by the time she was 10, so she thought one of her dream jobs would become a reality. When Kaitlyn was 12, her mother died. Her mother had a disease since Kaitlyn was 6-years-old, but Kaitlyn never knew. Before this happened, her mother would go to the hospital consistently. She thought it was normal for a parent to go to the hospital often, so she was not deterred by her mother going again. This time, however, would be the last. Kaitlyn did not care about what she wanted to be at this point. She just wanted her mom, but she couldn’t have her. For years, Kaitlyn had depression, but she was still functioning. Kind of like a functioning alcoholic, but instead of an addiction to alcohol, she was addicted to her bed and suicidal thoughts. She would cut her arms in secret and try to keep it hidden. She didn’t want anyone to know because she didn’t want anyone to worry. Kaitlyn did not have dreams for a long time. She kept her grades up, and did not stop cutting her arms until late into high school. She somehow beat depression on her own, and felt mostly normal. Her dreams had changed drastically. Throughout her school life, she found that she had an affinity for math. She always made A’s in every math class she ever took. So instead of going with a passion for people, cooking, or animals, she went with her passion for math. She now goes to Appalachian State University and is studying Actuarial Sciences. She thinks of her mother every day, and sometimes wonders if she made the right choice for her future life. Her 6-year-old self would never believe that she would pick a job that would put her in an office the rest of her life. But her current-self realized she needed that cubical. It was going to give her one thing that the rest of her life hadn’t; stability.