An Academic Problem: Solving from Within by Jenna

An Academic Problem: Solving from Within by Jenna - May 2021 Scholarship Essay

A, B, C, D, and the daunting F. They are just letters; yet, they are also much more, especially to high schoolers. These simple characters initiate arguments with parents, meetings with teachers, and meltdowns over the future. As an academically ambitious sophomore in high school, that letter meant everything.

I have been a straight A student all throughout high school, except for one semester in my sophomore year. It was AP Chemistry. I prepped the summer beforehand, spending hours with Barron’s Chemistry book every week, and I came into the semester ready to work harder than ever. I knew AP Chemistry’s reputation. I knew why there were only four other sophomores in the class, but I was cocky and thought I would be different.

I was able to maintain an A throughout the first semester until my final. My final was broken up into two parts, a multiple choice section and a free response section. I studied like crazy weeks in advance and walked up to the test feeling confident. The first day, I scored a 92% on the multiple choice section, maintaining my 92.7% grade in the class. I left the classroom with my confidence booming thinking that I had the semester in the bag. The next day, I took the free response section feeling equally confident. However, days later when I checked my grades online, my heart dropped. There was a B on my screen: 89.7%. I flunked the second half of my final. I stared at that screen for too long and kept clicking the refresh button. My heart was racing and I was not sure what to do. It was the end of the semester and these were my final grades.

In panic, I saw my teacher the next day to find out what happened, and I discovered that I studied the electrochemistry section wrong. I confused the positive and negative charge on the anode and cathode, a detrimental error in electrochemistry. Like any sane student, I begged my chemistry teacher to round my grade. I was close and he knew that I was a hard worker.
Even so, he was unmoving.

That winter break, I was filled with bitterness. There were a lot of tears, a lot of anger, and not much holiday spirit. It haunted me, overwhelming me with scorn towards my own stupidity and hate towards my stubborn teacher. A few weeks in, my anger subsided and despondency took its place. January was a month of wallowing and I entered the next semester with that silly letter “B” still on my mind. However, as months passed, I began to accept it. I realized it was not the end of the world. Life goes on.

Looking back, I realize that I gave the “B” power to torment me. I placed too much weight on my letter grades and transcript, using it to fuel a sense of validation that I am a “smart” person. I was subconsciously relying on my attractive academic records to nurture my pride and self-worth. This obsession with my grades also caused me to lose sight of the real value in education: learning.
I needed this “B”. I needed to take a hit because only then did I realize that at some point in my years of schooling, my focus in the classroom shifted. I used to love to learn. I would read for fun. I would come to science class with questions about the stars. I was an authentic nerd. Yet, somewhere along the way, pressures from a result-oriented society got the best of me. By sophomore year, I was hitting the books with a single intention: that golden 4.0.

I was not studying with a focus on growing as a scholar. I was studying to do well on tests. I was not asking questions to satisfy my curiosity. I was asking questions to get good grades on assignments. Conversation around college and GPA shifted my love for learning to a love for a pretty transcript. It was only after my streak of A’s was interrupted that I could finally see this clearly. My “B” was a blessing in disguise; it opened my eyes to my toxic infatuation with material results.

The realization that I had a result-oriented mindset was the first step in overcoming the problem. It was not a quick fix; a healthy relationship with academics is not black and white. Social pressures and my desire to succeed are always going to urge me towards a focus around results, so I must stay conscious of these tendencies in order to find balance in my mindset. This is something that I will continue to work on in college as I holistically grow as a scholar.

AP Chemistry was my most valuable experience in high school. It pushed me harder than any other class, and it made me vulnerable. However, the class was not my biggest academic challenge. My biggest challenge was re-learning to love learning.