It Wasn't Supposed To Be Like This by Irene

It Wasn't Supposed To Be Like This by Irene - May 2017 Scholarship Essay

After Ever After, by Jordan Sonnenblick, gave me a new perspective on life. I first read it in seventh grade, not realizing that it would affect me for years to come. I felt myself connect with the shy, awkward Jeffrey, the main character. He is a lot like me; quiet and caring. I never thought, though, that I would find my own 'Tad'.
Tad, Jeffrey's best friend, is outspoken and funny, with a bit of an abrasive personality. I never quite knew how to feel about him until (spoiler alert!) he had a relapse. His cancer came back, and, at the end of the book, he ended up dying. This is the first book I can remember which caused me to cry. I realized that Tad was important to me; it felt so wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to die.
An important thing I realized as a result of reading this book is that everyone is a little like Tad. Everyone has struggled with life and comes out a little messed up. Since reading this book, I have seen a lot of the awful realities of life which scar peoples' hearts. Many people I know well struggle with their health, just as Tad did. For example, my friend Megan was very sick for quite a few years and almost died before doctors diagnosed her with celiac disease, my uncle was diagnosed with Stiff Man Syndrome (which severely inhibits his ability to function), and my grandmother currently is hospitalized because of an unknown mental disorder. Jeffrey’s inspiring determination to live for Tad when Tad died encourages me to live fully, or in ways that others cannot, despite the pain I am faced with due to the knowledge that the quality of their lives is diminished in some ways.
The most important thing I realized, though, is how to move past tragedy. All other lessons learned from After Ever After pale in comparison to this one. When I was a sophomore in high school, I was elected president of my class. It was my job to ensure that everything worked out all right for everyone in my class; I would take care of them. I would make sure everything that needed to be completed was done. Something happened, though: Jalen died. It was sudden; no one (including him) saw it coming. One day, he was in school, playing basketball in gym class. The next day, he was absent. The day after that one, he died of a rare complication of a stomach virus. His heart just stopped. I will never forget the moment that our principal told us. It was the most awful moment of my life. We had lost one of us. Just like Tad, Jalen will never walk across the stage to receive his diploma. He will never graduate from college, get married, or have children of his own. Rather than Jalen burying his parents, Jalen’s parents had to bury their son. His siblings had to bury their brother. It felt so wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to die.
The world is not just. It steals people from you. Whether you know them well or not, whether it is sudden or gradual, whether they are old or young (especially if they are young), it leaves your heart marred. It is then we turn to those in society whom we perceive as sources of wisdom. Religious leaders, politicians, friends, family members, musicians and authors – they all give us hope. By writing about Jeffrey, however fictional he was, Jordan Sonnenblick gave me hope. Rather than being defeated by the pain, the book ends with Jeffrey’s walk across the graduation stage to receive Tad’s diploma. You see, Tad was wheelchair-bound. His goal for the year was to walk across that stage and receive his diploma. Jeffrey chose to live for Tad; he didn’t cry, give up, or become lost in hopelessness and despair. He stood up and he walked forward, carrying the memory of Tad in his heart.
For everyone we lose, we must hold our heads high and walk on. We still have our lives to live, and we must live them in a way that will honor the memories of those who can no longer walk with us. We must live in a way that shows the world that their lives – and deaths - mean something to us, now and forever. Life doesn’t end with ‘happily ever after’; it starts after that. If After Ever After has taught me anything, it’s that we can only truly live when we experience what lies after ‘happily ever after’.