Mathematics—a love-hate relationship. by Helen

Mathematics—a love-hate relationship. by Helen - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

Mathematics, a very important and necessary branch of the liberal arts and sciences; an essential companion to the socio-economic structure of a society and sometimes a person’s worst enemy, that is to say, mine of course! Over the course of time, I have been in quarrel with math, that subject in its sordid and tedious theorems and confusing postulates has dragged down my self-esteem when my GPA has suffered because of this. An event that has forever shaped my perception on mathematics, however, has significantly impacted my approach to it: don’t fear it, simply solve it and move on with the outcome. Preconceived notions usually thwart our confidence but learning to do your best and learning to accept your limitations or capacities is also a way to understand the nature of your mind and its thought process—making one victorious in the area of academic success through the help of others and in turn helping a few others in similar predicaments.

I am by no means a math expert, in fact, when the professor begins to ramble about some obscure equation, my mind begins to create patterns, auditory fog and eventually I begin to break a sweat. My senior year in High School was terrible—especially when I dreaded the odious pop quiz. I had an expectation; I said I need to get an A+ in my probability course in order to satisfy a top percentile of my graduating class. I felt immediately confident with all the other courses, except math!

The final was underway and I was in a fit of depression. The thoughts of failure and the amalgamation of other high school pressures (i.e., prom) was enough to set my head for a spin and dread the exam altogether. I needed to face it. I took the test and I received an average grade: a C+. I was in shock, in terror, how was I supposed to explain this to my parents? To my mentors? To my college counselor? My friends? I had no answers, I had no other recourse but to be succumb to the unbelievable truth. After my “small world” discovered that poor grade, there was a lot of chatter about that, in fact, some honor’s kids can be gruesome, I simply took a deep breath and said “so what?” Maybe math is not my forte and maybe algorithms are great remedies for the sleep deprived; however, I did not abandon math nor did I run away from the subject since I made it an effort to learn, to pick up the darn subject and study it profusely; utilizing counseling from college programs and professors alike. After graduation, I was relieved to be out of the realm of mathematics, but I felt something inside me say: what if it was someone else? I felt an immediate need to relieve a like student from said burdens. In sum, I made it my business to establish the first math tutorial in school and also extended this to economically disadvantaged communities to help those students succeed too.

I don’t feel too bad with my grade; moreover, I am grateful for that average grade, for not only did I learn math again, applied it to my learning capacity but I also utilized that “loss” to help others in similar predicaments. An academic “pay it forward” was created, leaving little room for Occam’s razor and paving way into a richer academic experience for all students. This failure of mine resulted in the benefit for many others. This is how I rationalized a failure into a success. There was never a failure per se, only positive outcomes from said “failure.” I am grateful for that C+ and learned that letter grades are just simply that: letter grades and what counts is the experience that has the potential to shape our overall perception.