The Letter I Wish I Read by Haley

The Letter I Wish I Read by Haley - November 2014 Scholarship Essay

Dear Nervous, Awkward, Hormone-Ridden High School Freshman,

Allow me to share with you my post high-school expertise, so that you may be spared the painful learning process of adjustment and know the truths that result from the struggles I faced. Independence is a huge part of who I am. I find joy in the simple things, like driving in the car with only myself, so there will be no one to hear me sing a cacophonous rendition of "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis; or like reading a plastic covered, library-borrowed book by the fire with a cup of coffee and fuzzy socks on. I was not always this way, beloved Freshman. In fact, I used to be rather codependent on the people I surrounded myself with to the point where I only found my identity in my friends. I saw no problem in this; I just considered myself a very loyal comrade. I soon learned that people change, and when people change, the loyal ones get left behind. Neglected. Abandoned. Alone. Ashamed. What does one do when everything they have based their life, their being, and their identity on is swept out from under them out of nowhere?

After months of loneliness, sadness, and battle with myself, I calloused my fragile soul and I learned. I learned that my own source of happiness cannot come from other people or their opinions of me. Freshman, People are people. All are depraved and sinful. Humans are all capable of providing disappointment and can't be counted on to stick around. True contentment and freedom of the soul thrive on the individual, the human that does not depend on others for self- fulfillment.

Dearest high school freshman, this is my advice to you: never let any fellow human make you feel inferior for not belonging with everyone else. At the end of the day, people are just like every other aspect of life: temporary. The people that make you wish you were different will fade into your past, and then you will be left with yourself. When that time comes, don’t you think you would rather like the person you are stuck with than know you have appeased someone who doesn’t even exist in your corner of earth?

While I recognize the importance of independence in life, this is not to say that I have achieved contentment, self-fulfillment, or unfledged freedom by any means. Some ominous force like gravity always pulls me back to my insecure ways of codependence. There is a fiber of my being that still clings too closely to the people I care about, and my brain recognizes the love and appreciation of someone's presence as a need for their approval and affection. Part on me will always love a little too much and feel a little too intensely. Not every day will be a good day to be on your own; but merely grasping the beauty and freedom of independence will open up doors and light paths for you that you never imagined possible.

Freshman, I hope for you that high school is not what it was for me. I pray that you don’t spend everyday in agony and anxiety over what people think of you. I wish for you that you don’t panic when you’re not sitting at the cool lunch table, and that you have the confidence that I couldn’t do until well after the damage is done: stop caring. Be happy with who you are and do the things that make you feel like the person you want to be. Spend time with yourself, and learn to love the one who will never leave you.