"The Stage to the Rescue" by Giacoma

"The Stage to the Rescue" by Giacoma - December 2013 Scholarship Essay

My father and I sit together on the couch. He watches the World News Report on PBS; I sit beside him. He is explaining the definition of a chemical imbalance; the reason why Mom is sick and in the hospital. I try to wrap my imagination around this colossal idea that is traumatizing and frightening to a nine year old. During this experience, I have turned my thoughts to performing, to the roar of applause, and taking in a stand ovation. The experiences I have had on stage have given me the confidence and repose to fulfill any task or goal that is set before me. My “second-hand” battle with depression and mental illness could not have been overcome without the dramatic arts.

In early adolescence, I began to observe and understand what encompasses depression. It was not a matter I spoke of—not with my family, and certainly not with friends. At lunchtime, peers would confide in me about boys, family issues, gossip. My lack of “problems” labeled me, ironically, the therapist of my class. The issues I had to deal with at home were my own to bear. What had delivered me through that dark time was performing in my school’s plays. Initially, I used acting as a way of masking myself, bonding with the characters that I have portrayed, and learning from each one, giving my emotions over to them, in return for their acceptance of this secret I bear. My high school theatre director is breaking me out of that habit--“Be honest.” I am learning that the characters must come from within by substituting my own memories and experiences and relaying them during a scene. A notable challenge, and success, was reciting Lady Anne’s monologue (Richard III, Act I, Scene 2), which required such anger and grief that I found myself channeling pent-up emotions to fit the scene. I am comforted in my portrayals, which gives me reassurance to express and deal with my feelings more healthily off-stage.

Although I have grown through my performances, I have also been fortunate enough to meet other young actors who I have adopted as an extended family. Our interactions during productions make me feel most comfortable; the connections we make with our characters go beyond a scene, translating to the relationships that some of us have in reality. Some of my drama club friends have confided in me with intimate details of their lives, helping me realize that I am not the only person out there with a mentally ill family member. The relationships I have formed within this group of people have allowed me to express that my mother suffers from mental illness.

The fact that my mother is mentally ill has given a unique twist to my life. I have had to mature faster than many of my peers and have been able to persevere through the difficult situation with performing. Thankfully, my mom and I have established a warm, trusting relationship. As I embark in a new chapter in my life, I will not shrink at the thought of debilitation as I once did, but I will stand upright, tall, ready for someone to call out: Action!