"I'm Gay Mom" by emre

"I'm Gay Mom" by emre - November 2019 Scholarship Essay

When I was 14 I had this dumb strategy/method that if I got a boyfriend from the internet it would be easier for me to come out and confess my homo-ness to my parents. So, I did that it turns out. it's not that easy. One, no one wanted to be in love with me instantly which is crazy, so that was a deal-breaker. Two, it's hard to tell if people are cat-fishing you from across the world also sometimes there is a language barrier that you have to break but once you get that out of the way you should be good.
I had finally found a guy who would be my boyfriend in my seamless plan of coming out, he was a lovely guy from Arizona who was the same age, he was very nice, and we shared a lot in common. After we had decided to "date" I knew it was time to do the deed. not sex, drugs or any other nefarious acts but probably do the scariest things I've ever done, be emotional which as a shy 14-year-old boy was hard to do.
My heart was beating a million beats per minute, my hands were shaking, and my palms were drenched in sweat. Sitting in my backyard, waiting to reveal to my mother that I was sexually attracted to men hoping she wouldn't disown me as her child. It took her almost an hour for her to respond back to the text I sent her telling her that I wanted to speak to her in private. In that few minutes after she responded I was just so nervous and overwhelmed by anxiety and worried about how everything was going to turn out for me and how this would affect my family. I was worried that I was going to be a burden on my family and impede on their lifestyle by having them adjust to a new me which had really just been me all along. I walk into my parent's bedroom, the air is already tense, I can hear my heartbeat in my ears which is oddly uncomfortable. I set down in the office chair near my mother's bed and I just tell her that I'm gay and that I have a "boyfriend" but he lives in Arizona so you can't meet him fortunately and I instantly feel a weight lifted off my dainty weak 14-year-old shoulders. The room was quiet for a moment the air was still except the cloud of smoke coming from my mom's cigarette. At that moment I felt so many emotions I was ready to shoot the waterworks, which I did after my mother told me that she is very proud of me and that she loves me no matter who I love. She told me "Emre If you want to sleep with a man then sleep with a man if you want to sleep with a girl then sleep with a girl. You were just born to love men like yourself it is just your choice to act on it, which many boys don't do because they are scared of what people will think about them". She also told me that not everyone would accept me for who I was and that there was their problem which it is. But my whole coming out experience really helped me know that I will always have instant support from my family, and I will always want to give that kind of support to anyone who needs help and I would do the most to make sure that they felt loved and accepted with whomever they are. I wonder what happened to that guy from Arizona? After 5 lovely days, we broke up.