Does Failing Make Me a Failure? by Devenn

Does Failing Make Me a Failure? by Devenn - February 2017 Scholarship Essay

Throughout the preponderance of my life, specifically my childhood, I had failed so many times it is hard to recall an occasion when I achieved something on the first try. My very first time I failed at something was when I was a year old trying to take my first steps, then again in kindergarten learning how to ride a bike, again in first grade when I was attempting to write my name in cursive, and again when I reached middle school and took my first honors course. Fortunately, there was a reoccurring theme through these many attempts at success, they were easy to recover from, a little extra work and some persistence and it was going to be okay. At the end of my freshmen year, I realized that this “theme” was merely a fabrication of my own naivete: I hadn’t failed, it was a just delayed success.

But what happens when it’s not just a quick and easy fix? What happens when I can’t just shake it off, or rethink and try again? Does this mean I’m a failure?

My first look at “failing” came the summer of my freshmen year of high school when my family and I lost our home of 15 years due to foreclosure. Within the 10 second span it took for my mother to tell me that we had not only lost our home, but could only afford a one bedroom motel, I had taken a seemingly one-way leap into a bottomless pit of despair. I was always known as a loving son, a great friend, and ultimately a positive being, but immediately I was destroyed and my persona along with it. I was not a great friend, a loving son, nor a positive being anymore. My failure ran much deeper than just losing a home, that was out of my control. It was getting up every day knowing I was different from everyone else, the inability to focus on school, the constant fear of what someone would say if they found out where I was living, and ultimately the fear that I would never get back to where I once was in life.

This lonely emotional roller-coaster seemed to never leave ground level, it began to appear as if I was the only one left in the world. “This kind of life wasn’t meant for me,” “I didn’t deserve this type of adversity,” and “Why me?” routinely pervaded throughout my subconscious. My own mind grabbed a hold of me and wouldn’t let me go; I wasn’t able to just put in a little extra work, or maybe a little perseverance and recover from it, this time I had failed. It was now up to me if I was going to let this turn me into a failure, or rise and prosper.

To turn my mental despair into a life lesson, I had to first crawl out of the pit I fell into by realizing that life isn’t how it seemed four years ago, a little perseverance wasn’t going to help me be the son I once was. Through the endless amount of motivational tapes from speakers such as: Eric Thomas, Les Brown, Tony Robbins, Giavanni Ruffin, and Ray Lewis, and the time spent learning how to properly meditate and execute positive self-talk, I had finally molded myself into a person capable of improving, which meant having the ability to not only learn, but apply it to my life.

I learned that not everything golden must glitter.

I did fail at what I held dearest to my heart, but I didn’t seek to get back to the person I once was anymore, I used what I learned to be more than just a loving son, a great friend, and a positive being. I wanted to use my failure to create a stronger mind preventing this from ever happening again, as well as dedicating my life to positively impacting everyone around me. I not only wanted to rise past my failure, but I wanted to sore so high that it would become a mere figment of my imagination.

Now as a senior in high school, my need to improve has only grown. I use my perspective of the bottom to propel me to the top, and aid anyone and everyone I can along the way. The lessons I have learned from this minor blemish on the face of my life will keep me on my journey to creating my own company “Forever Strong,” and forever dedicating my life to helping others.