Don't Force Yourself to Change for Others by Darlene

Don't Force Yourself to Change for Others by Darlene - April 2021 Scholarship Essay

Five years ago, I would be 12 years old, an eighth-grade student. I was young and eager to make friends, to be well-liked, going out of my way to please my classmates. The eagerness was so great that it was an embarrassment. Outside of school, I was either at home or went out with my family. All the people I thought were my friends were mere, as I presently realize, acquaintances. We get along when needed, and we don’t spend time talking outside of school or talk about subjects beneath the surface.
The advice I would have given myself five years ago is to stop trying to be someone you’re not in order to please someone else. In eighth grade, I tried to be cool and popular. I changed my demeanor, from the quiet reserved girl to the loud and eccentric, in order to become close to the ‘popular’ clique. I would help them with whatever they needed. I would overlook some of the things they did to remain in their good graces. I changed myself so that I could become friends with them, but once I left----left the lunch table, left the group, left the conversation----they easily replaced me with someone else, someone they preferred, someone they actually talked to.
It is useless to befriend someone who is clearly not interested. It is foolish to go out of your way to accommodate them when they only need you to get something done for them. It is middle school. They may be your friend for now, but they will not be your friend forever. You may not even see them for the rest of your life after high school. Don’t force yourself to be someone you are not to make a fake friend. Don’t humiliate yourself for something so temporary and one-sided. In the future, you will make friends who will talk to you about more than assignments, who will be there for you, who will actively include you in their conversations as well as important life decisions. You don’t have to force yourself to change for others.