My Gap Year (Times Ten) by Courtney

My Gap Year (Times Ten) by Courtney - August 2019 Scholarship Essay

I've had ten gap years, so I have spent them doing a lot of things. A lot of things that I didn't ever plan on doing. I went to college for 6 years, taking 19 hour semesters and working 1-2 jobs the entire time, all the while pleasing everyone and being who they wanted me to be.

After 28 years of marriage, my parents split up. My grandmother passed away from breast cancer that she'd had on and off for about 20 years and it finally had taken over her bones and her mind. So, 2008 was my time for a break. A time of regrouping. One year turned into three as I moved all over town, trying to find a place I could afford and scrape by while gathered the pieces of myself together and the measly tips off of the tables I waited. And yes, I admit, there was a fair share of experiencing what being on my own meant and getting doing as I pleased. It was fun for a while, but I'd lost sight of what I needed to be working on.

In 2011, I met my husband and after 2 1/2 months we were married. I can only say this happened because it was what was meant to happen, God put me in his life at that time because he needed me-- and I had no clue. I'm not saying I'm a hero or a savior, but if I hadn't met my husband when I did... He'd be dead.

Unbeknownst to me, he was an addict. An addict created by pill pushing doctors who failed to treat his issues, only masking their symptoms-- but none-the-less, still an addict. Rent money would go missing, TV's would get pawned, and the spiral down continued. I'd hit my breaking point. Many do not realize the stress of being the care taker for an addict, especially someone who truly has other health issues.

He was a good, kind, loving man. I stood by him through two in-patient rehab treatments. He is a very ill man. He has had kidney issues since he was 5, several broken bones/mobility issues, is VERY ADHD, and also a Type 1 Diabetic to top it off. He is now on disability and I will continue to stand by him. I also have a 14 year old step-son who has Asperger's. I have a lot on my plate with these two!

I finally bought a house last year, after moving 7 times in our 8 years of marriage. However, we've also had to recently file bankruptcy and lost both of our vehicles. Did you know that, because I work and because I made the decision that I cannot afford to care for a child of my own at this point, we don't qualify for any benefits? If we were to divorce, he would get double his disability money. If I were to start popping out life we would get all kinds of aid and deductions. Did you know, most of the grants out there for women returning to school require you to be a single mother, or at minimum have a child to qualify for them? But I'm to honest a person to cheat the government or bring a child into the world I can't provide for. My plan is to adopt one day, when I can afford it. That's been my plan since I was 16 or so.

I'm the one always taking care of everyone else. But I can't care for everyone else if I can't pay for them. That is what I have done with this "gap" in my education. I have lived, loved, and tried to please everyone else in my life and care for them the best I can. Now it's time for me to take care of me because when it comes down to it, I'm the only one I can depend on. So during my "gap", I've found me and what I want.

I've managed to settle myself into a good career working for my City of Mobile, AL as the Secretary to the City Council. However, it's not enough to accomplish long term financial sustainability and be able to reach my goals of only working one job and being able to adopt a child of my own. I'm only $3700 short of my associates and then one more year to reach my bachelors. Having my degree will allow me to advance even further up the latter. I love working for my local government and have no desire to leave them, only to grow....and maybe I'll get my honey moon one day as well!