Thesis Woes by Chelsea

Thesis Woes by Chelsea - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

There are many times in your academic career when you are tested. In my opinion, no challenge is more harrowing than when you are propositioned with the challenge of executing a thesis. Some think that it can’t be too bad, that it is just a very long research paper, and that it is simply a time consuming academic chore. However, when I went to write my thesis, I was not prepared whatsoever for the storm of criticism, difficulty, and self-doubt that would ensue.

To reach the end I must take you back to the beginning. Everyone has their big goals in life; the ones that never seem to change no matter where life takes you. Mine have always been directly orbiting the planet that is academics. Goal number one is to get a Master’s degree, goal number two is to study abroad, and goal number three is to get published. I did not realize at the beginning of this year that I would have the opportunity to do all three before next winter was over. I started in January 2014 at Manchester University, seeking my Masters of Education degree. The primary goal of this program is to formulate and dictate a thesis, one that you would mold and improve with erudite fashion over the course of the two years; and if you are lucky, you will get published. Published? That would be two goals in one, and I am already going to Italy in January 2015 so I would accomplish all I’ve wanted in my life. So when I sat down to begin the journey that would be my thesis paper, I did not imagine any possible obstacle could come to fruition that would stop me from achieving all my goals.

One thing they don’t tell you about a thesis paper: the devil is in the details. Trying to get the paper simply formatted properly takes years of understanding and training on the subject. Even with my professor’s guiding hand, I struggled. Finally, I got off that island only to find myself stuck at sea again: “what on Earth am I to write about?!” Deciding this took weeks. I changed so many times, back and forth, different topics, changing directions. Deciding what to write about seems like such a simple thing, but you have to keep in mind that you have to pick a topic that is focused enough that you can write specifically about it, but broad enough that you can find research and explore the subject area for about 50 pages. Doesn’t sound so easy when you put it that way, does it?

When I finally decided on my topic, I reached the peak of the story for our purposes: my failure. I thought I had been failing all along at this, but I was wrong. The true failure would come when I proposed my rough draft to a panel of professors at my university. They completely ripped it to shreds; inking the pages with blood red that screamed “This is all wrong!” They brought me into a room and it took two hours to talk to me about things they would change. I was so hurt, and angry. I had put hours, days into this; blood, sweat, and tears into this piece that I felt was at least on the right track. How could it be so easy for them to tear down the house I had built? I was absolutely devastated, and when I got back home I threw my paper in the trash. I felt completely defeated and went to bed.

Now, many will say the next morning they woke up with new purpose and the strength to shake off the previous day and move forward with determination! This wasn’t me. I woke up actually reasonably at peace with the idea that I would go into my professor’s office and tell him that this process wasn’t for me. I am a very strong person, but the idea of getting torn apart by people just for a rough draft is not something I wanted to subject myself to. But I never made that office visit, because on my way to see him I stopped to watch kids cross the street to school. They were smiling, laughing, and happy. Had I gone through 16 years of schooling already to simply give up when they got tough on me? No. If they didn’t like my paper, I needed to do better. Maybe the professors weren’t tearing me down but showing me that I was capable of so much more.

It’s been two months since that happened. I have written about 25 more pages in addition to my first 15. Things haven’t been easy; I go regularly to my visit with the “Board of Criticism.” But now, I know that I will only be better afterwards. I will have the best thesis anywhere because I have those around me who are pushing me every single day to make it better. What I saw as my biggest failure was actually the key to my ultimate success.