Beyond Rock Bottom by Chandra

Beyond Rock Bottom by Chandra - October 2019 Scholarship Essay

Overcoming fear, anxiety, and depression has been a daily battle in my teenage years. Some days it still is, but I came a long way so when I get discouraged I remind myself of all that I have accomplished. I always had the compassion to help other people, however, when my mental health started to decline, I realized I had to put myself first. I never knew how imperative your mental health was until it was nearly too late.
In my sophomore year of high school, I tried to overdose on multiple pain medications and vitamins. I vividly remember that night. I went into the kitchen and opened the cabinet over the sink. I quietly took down the container that held the medicine bottles. Different varieties of painkillers and vitamins. I took as much as I could until I was tired of swallowing. Once I put everything back in the cabinet, I walked past my family who was in the living room, and I went upstairs to lay in my bed. I did not tell anyone goodnight that night. I laid in the dark until I fell asleep. I remember my mom waking me up, wondering why I didn't tell anyone goodnight. I just told her I didn't feel well. Which was partially true... The pills I took had me feeling drowsy and nauseous. I felt dehydrated and sick, but I knew the reason why. I woke up early morning between two and three a.m. I opened my eyes and I saw rainbow swirls in my bedroom. I rubbed my eyes so hard my eye sockets started to hurt, that's when I realized I wasn't dreaming. I figured I was hallucinating because I was on my way out of the world. I thought to myself "It's working" so I went back to sleep... I woke up a few hours later just in time to get ready for school. That's when I realized my master plan didn't work. I lived thirty minutes away from my school. On the way to school, I kept falling asleep due to being drugged up. I didn't tell my mom what I did just yet because it would break her heart. I went inside of my high school, but I just wasn't myself that day. I felt like my body was overheating, I was so sad and so drained. By the time I got to my second-period class I was crying uncontrollably in class. I was still hallucinating, seeing white horses running in the classroom. After that class was over I dropped my bags off at my third-period class, and I asked my teacher if I could talk to a guidance counselor. When I got to the guidance counselor's office I requested to talk to a female. Unfortunately, the only two female counselors we had were both busy. There was only one option left, which was to talk to Mr.Thompson. I got in the office the first words that came out of my mouth were "I tried to commit suicide last night." Mr.Thompson was speechless. He closed the door immediately and he began asking me all these questions. Why and how did I try? Did I tell anyone else?
My mom was called, as well as the SEAL mental health team. I talked to everyone pretty much about what happened. My mom was so sad and so confused. I didn't want to tell her why I did what I did, but I felt like she deserved answers. I went to the hospital. I was going to be admitted to the mental institute. I broke down and cried and told my mom I didn't want to go. My mom talked to the doctor and told him she would take time off of work and keep an eye on me, which she did. I couldn't use the bathroom with the doors closed, I was being watched constantly. I was so frustrated because I felt that me being watched was unnecessary but I knew my mom did it out of love. After about two weeks I returned to school, I began seeing a psychologist once a week for an hour. I was honestly doing better. My real friends kept an eye out for me and they helped brighten my dark days.
I went through a lot in my eighteen years of life, but I'm still here, and I thank God for that. I lived for a reason. I still have tough times, and some days it feels as if nothing is going to go right. You have to be optimistic. All days are not going to be perfect and full of sunshine, but you have to find the silver lining. Someone has it worse than you, in fact, you could have it worse than your current situation. Nothing is permanent. The pain and the struggles you face today are only temporary. There is nothing you can't achieve. Find a healthy hobby to help you cope. Poetry is one of my favorite things to do when I need a quick break from reality. Here I am, writing an essay for a chance to win this scholarship when I didn't even plan to live to prepare for college. God has a plan for each one of us, and his plan is different for each of us. I am so blessed, and there is nothing too hard for me.