The Fear of Failure by Caragan

The Fear of Failure by Caragan - February 2017 Scholarship Essay

In 2016 I stopped fearing failure, something that I had always considered my biggest fear. As a high-achieving student I had always shuddered at the mention of failure. I squirmed at the thought of a bad interview, a lackluster test grade, or a rejection letter. I thought that achievements defined my success.
During my junior year I meticulously planned out my summer, thoughtfully drafting applications for summer programs that interested me. I waited for the day that I would receive my acceptances and spend a busy summer at prestigious venues. That was my vision of success until it fell through. On the first day of spring break I was rejected from every program I applied to. I felt like a failure. For a few days I wondered what was next, where I could find Plan Z, and how I would recover. However it didn’t take me long to realize how absurd my fears had been. As I looked around at my options I saw opportunities that I had not considered before because I had been so focused on a plan. Within a few weeks I reached out to my political friends and found plenty of work for the summer. From July until November I busied myself with elections. I joined a local campaign where I became a field organizer. My summer passed me in a whirlwind of political events and days spent canvassing. I quickly forgot about the heap of rejections that I was once convinced would ruin my summer.
Looking back on it now I realize that my idea of failure was small-minded. I thought that if my life didn’t go as planned I had failed, and I was wrong. In fact, I was so worried about failure that I drove myself to success. I was so busy stressing about reorganizing my summer plans that I quickly recovered from my state of sadness and began lining up opportunities. It was then that I realized that I would only experience failure if I stopped trying. There are endless opportunities for me to learn and apply myself I just have to look for them.
Success, in essence, isn’t about what program I can get into it’s about my ability to keep trying. If I work with the situation that I am given I will succeed. Once I realized that failure is a choice, it became less threatening. So when my candidate lost his election I was sad but I did not feel like a failure. While I knew that some doors would be closed to me because of the outcome, I began to think about the future again. The election was lost, but I was not. I now know that there are endless opportunities for me moving forward, I just have to find them. One round of elections might be over but I have not seen my last campaign. Perhaps since I have quit worrying about failure I can begin to spend more time planning my successes.