Why have anxiety when you can educate yourself? by Caitlin

Why have anxiety when you can educate yourself? by Caitlin - September 2021 Scholarship Essay

It's my freshman year of nursing school at Tarleton State University. It is 10:00 AM, and I just left my History class. I look at my watch and I have exactly 30 minutes until my next class begins. This gives me 15 minutes of walk time and I can still arrive 15 minutes early. It is the first day of class, so figuring out who I have class with is very important due to my anxiety.

I take a step into the classroom and the desks are all in a circle. Which class was this again? I pull out my class schedule and realize I signed up for Speech. My anxiety freaks out even more. Maybe if I just pick a desk in the corner then nobody will force me to do more than what is required for this class. I absolutely hate standing out and being front-and-center, especially in front of complete strangers.

10:00 AM hits, and my professor walks into the room. He is an older gentleman who looks a lot like the grandpa from "UP!". He walks in, introduces himself, and almost everybody begins thinking they can trample over him all semester. What do they think will happen? That he will forget the assignments? I highly doubt that.

Other than his name, the first thing he says is "Hello, this is Speech class. What are the topics you have always learned to not talk about? Sex, politics, and religion. Correct! That is exactly what we will be talking about for the rest of the semester. In fact, we will debate everyday about these subjects. If you do not speak daily, you will not get a grade." Oh no. My anxiety-filled self is freaking out.Speaking in public generally ends in sweaty armpits and stutters throughout my speech. I don't know if I can actually speak about these things in front of other people who may disagree. That is exactly the issue: I do not want anybody to think any less of me because of my thoughts and emotions.

I didn't understand why a professor would make it harder for us, as students. It didn't occur to me until I realized that it was okay to speak up about these topics. It is okay to have a voice. The thing that is NOT okay is to speak negatively towards another person for their opinions because you believe something differently. It’s not like I grew up talking negatively towards others, however I did grow up with the viewpoints my own parents had. His goal in this class is for us to grow stronger in our beliefs and still love one another for theirs. He wanted us to be able to educate ourselves on these various topics and form our own viewpoints. I believe this is a very important part about education.

Years after this semester, I still stand true to everything he taught us. My anxiety still makes it hard to speak out loud on certain topics, however I will always respect when others speak out on their opinions. Even if it doesn't align with my viewpoints, their thought process shapes their identity and that is important to me. For example, when in court, a jury must see both lawyers' viewpoints before voting on if the defendant is guilty or not guilty. My husband and I have arguments, as every married couple should, but we take into consideration the other person’s feelings and meet in the middle.

All in all, I thank God for the chance to have taken that Speech class and have gotten to know this particular professor. My viewpoints on life and education have forever changed for the better.