I am Doomed Forever! by Briana

I am Doomed Forever! by Briana - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

Going into high school was a frightening thing for me because I did not know how much work there was going to be. Ever since a freshman, every student had to take the state proficiency test. I had done a pretty good job on the other subjects. The subject that had the most trouble was the dreaded math. In my math classes I did a good job of turning in the homework; however, they were not my best grades. Failing the math portion of the state-mandated proficiency test would keep me from receiving my high school diploma by walking over that stage, and the fear of that possibility consumed me as a senior.

At the beginning of my senior year, I could have folded my tent and given up, surrendering to the failure to which the math test would surely doom me. I chose not to do that. I summoned my courage and did what needed to be done. I wanted to graduate with my class, that’s when I realized, I had to do something quickly so I did not fail. Instead, I got help from my math teachers on problems I was not so sure of. I needed all the help I could possible get. When I heard of an after school math session, I immediately signed up for it and I got more help with the teacher. He even showed us a couple of tricks in order for the students to pass the math proficiency test.

When I heard my peers talking about how they heard other students who went to the after school math class, they ended up passing the test. That math test was the only one I had to pass. So if my peers could do it than why can’t I? I tried ever thing from extra math classes and after school classes. With no luck, the after school session with the teacher was my only hope. Unwilling to let this happen, I took matters into my own hands and sought the extra help I needed in an after-school math workshop. Before I could get to the class I had to work something out with the teacher because he said the students were going to stay for 2 hours. I liked the idea of having some extra time to help me, but it was after school and the buses had already left. He told us we will stay for 45 minutes and give two lessons a day.

Each day after school I would go home and practice the worksheets he gave us because those worksheets had similar questions to the proficiency test. I even studied between classes so I did not lose a minute. That gave everyone a type of advantage of knowing what kinds of questions there will be on the test. On the day of the test, I studied more and ate a good breakfast to keep me energized. I could feel butterflies in my stomach, which made me nervous. The time period was over; unfortunately, many other peers were not finished either. I was scared because I was half way done with the test and I did not know if teachers were going to take it away. Instead, my peers and I went into another class that had many students who were unfinished with their test. I went into the overflowing room and later I had finished my test. The only thing to do was wait for the test results to come back.

One day, as the end of the school year approached, my counselor called me into her office to tell what the results of the proficiency test were. I held my breath; my heart was in my throat…did I pass? Who had won the battle between me and the math dragon? My hands were sweating, my feet were impatience, my stomach started to squeeze tightly, and I think I almost passed out. I wanted to know my test score to see if I passed, but on the other hand, I did not want to know because what if I did not pass. What was I going to do? My counselor saw that I was nervous and told me to calm down. Long pause after that. I wanted to get it over with. Finally she had told me,” I think you were one of the persuasive people that did not give up. Well it seems to me that…….you passed! You finally did. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you.” After that I was so thrilled I did know what to do. I think I began to cry. I did it!

After all that time, I had finally passed my proficiency test, even after all the hard work and effort it finally paid off. Even though it was a long hard and painful process, I accomplish what I had to do. Even though I had failed some math classes, I never gave up and worked harder. I think that what gave me the effort and courage to study more. I never knew what I could accomplish until now. I do not fear failure anymore. I failed? Big deal. Everybody fails from time to time. The key lies in how one responds to the failure, and I now know that I would pick myself up, dust myself off, and give it another shot.