The best motivation is yourself by Alyssa

The best motivation is yourself by Alyssa - October 2019 Scholarship Essay

Before entering high school, all the incoming Freshmen went to ‘Freshman House’ to get to know each other more. One of the things that we did there was writing down a goal on a wood board. On one side was the goal and the other side was our barriers from achieving that goal. At the end, we’d break the board apart, representing breaking the barriers. I remembered clearly what I wrote on the board: “Get into Dance Company”.

I started dancing officially in 9th grade which is very late compared to most people. The first time I auditioned, I didn’t make it. It was sad but I didn’t blame myself. Instead, I told myself that I only had one year of experience so if I danced more, I’d get in next year. I took Dance 2 in 10th grade. This time, I didn’t make it in either. I stayed all the way till the end to see the results. My name was not on the list of next year’s dance company which me so devastated. I had high expectations that I would make it but I didn’t. I felt like a failure and that I couldn’t dance as well as the other students. It made me have really low-self esteem afterwards. Dance was something that I really love so it was heartbreaking.

Junior year was the last year I can audition before I go to college. Unfortunately, I didn’t have space left in my schedule to take dance that year. This meant that I might not be able to achieve the goal because I would lose some of my dancing abilities. Around September, I found an outside group called X-Moment that does K-POP covers. K-POP was the thing that inspired me to dance. I auditioned and made it. This created an opportunity for me to do something that I really love, dance and K-POP.
In X-Moment, everyone was so kind and willing to help me improve my dancing. K-POP was for sure a different style compared to Modern. I had to get use to being synchronize and on beat which Modern didn’t focus on. Crystal, X-Moment’s leader was a great help to me. She helped me understand my body more and how to use it correctly. She taught me dance skills and showed me what I need to focus on while dancing. With Crystal’s help, I was able to gain more confidence in my dancing abilities and be proud of it.
When my 3rd Dance Company Audition came, I got super nervous. I was scared because I haven’t done modern for a whole year! I was worried that my body wouldn’t do what I want it to do and I’d be too stiff. Modern focuses on the flow of the body while K-POP is more like Hip-Hop which contains powerful movements.

On the night before the audition, I laid in bed, trying to gain motivation. I told myself: “You are a good dancer. This time you will make it. You are capable. Don’t be scared. Show them that you’ve improved”. I would constantly repeat to myself “You will make it on Dance Company” and visualize my name on the list. I really wanted to make it in this year to have one year experience in Dance Company. That night, I asked Crystal for advice on the audition. I don’t remember it as much but one thing for sure was that she told me that I need to have confidence. She said that it was a psychological thinking. If I believe myself, I’ll do good.
On the day of the audition, I took in Crystal’s advice and use that to build my confidence. In the audition room, in front of 3 judges and the senior dance company members, I gave my best and I showed confidence even if I messed up. The audition lasted until 9pm which was longer than previous years. When the results were out, we had to wait for the list to be put up. When the list was posted, I walked out and waited to see my name. I couldn’t find my name anywhere. “I knew it, I didn’t make it” was my first thought. Then, my friend told me that they saw my name. I started crying as I tried again looking for name again. My tears were happy tears. I know that I’m suppose to be happy when I achieve something but I was so happy that I cried. I didn’t expect to make it because there was so many good dancers auditioning this year. I was really proud of myself. I couldn’t believe I actually made it. My name was written there clearly. It took me 3 years but I finally got there. It felt so surreal that my name is even on the list. I can’t believe that I’ll finally be able to experience what it’s like to be in Dance Company and do the same thing as the old Dance Company members.

Without Crystal’s words and motivation, I wouldn’t be able to do gain the courageous to do well this audition. Crystal has helped me improve my dance and surpass all my fears. She gave me what I needed the most which was support. She helped open up so many dance opportunities for me. I will forever be grateful to Crystal.