Learning from Pain by Allyssa

Learning from Pain by Allyssa - September 2015 Scholarship Essay

My four year old cousin died earlier this year of brain cancer. Near the end, it was bad...really bad. I hope that this is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to go through in my life. Without a doubt, watching Amelie die changed everything about me, and the way I see the world. Amelie was full of life. Everything about her was vibrant and beautiful. I had never experienced death so close to me before. January was tough. My family and I knew the end was coming, but there was nothing we could do but wait. When I woke up the morning that Amelie died and my mom told me, it was as if nothing was real. The universe had pressed pause. Before Amelie died I had never truly experienced death, only distant family members who had died of old age. This was different. Amelie was so young she still had so much more to learn about the world. Watching someone that I loved pass away while still maintaining my grades and a good standing at work was exhausting.
I had to juggle my emotions and staying healthy with my responsibilities as a young adult. I was catapulted from my sheltered, comfortable, child-like mindset into the harsh real world of adulthood. In this snap transition I started to appreciate the small things that I had not noticed before. I appreciate the memories I make with my family; swimming with Anya, Amelie’ in the morning before the lake wakes up, running through the snow with my dog. I appreciate the time I spend with friends so much more. It’s the little moments, when were all sitting around in Mackenzie’s basement. Nothing is really happening, we’re all just talking and laughing, but it is the best feeling in the world. I know how important those moments can be. I have learned to find the joy and beauty in everything because it is so very important to find happiness in our short time here.
This experience has taught me to see the bigger picture. There are so many big things to stress out about, does it really matter that my friends forgot to invite me out to lunch? These little problems that we all complain about will not matter in a week. Going through this has made me want a better connection with my family. I want to spend all the time I can with my younger brother before I leave for college. I smile more at people in the halls because I know how much it meant to me when I was having a really bad day. These small things that most teenagers do not think about constantly run through my head. Amelie has taught me to value happiness, learning, and life as a whole. Life is short, and I want to spend it with the people that I love.