The Best Version of Me by Alia

The Best Version of Me by Alia - February 2021 Scholarship Essay

Success can be defined in many different ways, and each person has their own idea of success. Succeeding in college is the most important part of my future that I am currently preparing to face. For me, succeeding in college is not about getting straight A’s. For me, success is about being the healthiest person I can be in both mind and body while growing into an adult and pursuing a degree I am passionate about.
I haven’t always been the healthiest person, physically or mentally. I’ve struggled with OCD ever since I was a small child. Every night, before I could go to bed, I had to make sure the front door was locked. I’d lock and unlock the door three times before I felt safe. Along the way, I developed insomnia, anxiety and depression. It was a long time before I asked for help, and a longer time before I found medicines that actually helped me. Then, when my parents separated, my life seemed like it was falling apart, so I abandoned any efforts to stay afloat. I gave up on getting out of bed altogether. A huge symptom of depression is not having the willpower to get out of bed, and the summer of 2020 consisted mainly of hibernation. As a result, my body began to suffer. I began to gain weight and lose any form of muscle mass, capping off at 215 pounds.
The only thing that drove me out of my psychological ditch was the hope of a better future at college. Slowly but surely, I began to eat better food, drink plenty of water, and exercise regularly. Since then, I’ve lost 25 pounds and I will continue improving my health through activities in college. My mental health has always led me to isolate myself in addition to insecurities with my physical appearance. I always felt one pound away from losing myself, but I’ve become a more confident person since taking the time to exercise and eat well.
Now that I’ve begun to take actual steps to improving my health, I’m ready to tackle the unhealthiness in my mind. For me, that would be becoming a more social person. I’ve never had many friends, and I’ve always felt like an outsider. I want to change that in college, because I know that college will have so many opportunities for me to build relationships. I can meet people when joining organizations and volunteering. I want to go to more social events, and I don’t want to hole myself up inside my mind. I want to overcome my mental illnesses so that I can fully grasp the college experience. I even gave up the idea of living in a singular room over a typical two-person dorm as an attempt to force myself to be social, even if it’s uncomfortable and strange.
For me, success is about becoming the person I never got to be in high school because of the struggles I faced because of my physical and mental health. I don’t want to be the star athlete or the smartest person in the room. I simply want to be the best Alia I can be. That is success to me.