A Confrontation with my Grandmother by Alexandra

A Confrontation with my Grandmother by Alexandra - October 2013 Scholarship Essay

The most valuable life lesson I have learned outside of the classroom is to stand up for myself. This lesson has come in many ways and in different forms, but it was when I had a confrontation with my grandmother that this lesson was truly learned.

When my mother died, my grandmother took my sisters and me into her home. She provided for us, enrolled us into good schools and encouraged us to do well academically. She also helped my sister, Marissa, and I to lose weight. Within the first year, everything was alright. We were all doing well in school, adjusting well to our new surroundings and Marissa and I had almost reached our goal weight. But I started gaining the weight back during my eighth grade year and at first my grandmother tried to encourage me more to lose the weight, but it soon become more negative. She no longer tried to encourage me when I gained, only gave me disappointed looks and shook her head. I kept trying and some weeks I would succeed, but most of the time, I would gain weight and I had no idea why. It became a topic of subject that I came to resent and had been slowly been destroying my self-esteem. With each week that was a failure, I became more and more negative to myself, believing that no one could ever love me, even though I was about 175 pounds at 5 feet 6 inches. I eventually started turning to my friends for encouragement, not for weight loss, but for encouragement to love myself as I was. It was not until junior year of high school that I finally came to the conclusion that I was not unhappy with myself, but unhappy that my grandmother was unhappy. I tried to make her proud, like taking AP classes, joining clubs, having a social life, but it was never enough. The disappointed looks I received every Sunday morning would hurt. When I finally graduated from high school, I was more than ready to leave home for Florida State University. I wanted to prove that I could do well on my own and I wanted to make her proud.

My first semester of school went well. I was doing excellent in all of my classes, I had made friends and I was truly happy to be in Tallahassee. However, I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t want to face my grandmother because I had gained some weight since I had added food into my lifestyle that I had not had for years. I went back home and felt the disappointment the moment she looked at me. I could not wait to go back to Tallahassee where I was around people who didn’t judge me. But my second semester was nothing like the first. I had taken too many classes and as a result, I was stressed all the time. Then my birthday came around. Even though I had made friends, no one celebrated with me. This and the stress from school triggered a deep depression. I felt that I had no one to turn to, so I turned to food instead. I gained about 40 pounds in that one semester. I barely talked to my family so they had no idea what was going on and neither did my friends. I started thinking about living with my friends for the summer, rather than my family, but I decided to be brave.

When I came home, I was welcomed by my sisters and my uncle, but my grandmother kept her distance. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her judging looks and I could feel the old doubts coming back. I had the decision to talk to her and I asked “Do you consider me a failure?” and she responded “I consider you a huge disappointment.” Never had I ever felt so hurt before, I was absolutely crushed. It didn’t matter that I was doing academically and financially well, she only cared about the weight. So I tried to lose the weight again, I joined Weight Watchers and I started succeeding again. But I was not happy the entire summer, my grandmother treated me like a plague, not allowing me to go into my sister’s rooms and they in mine. Everything I ate was looked at and judged. But I didn’t finally stand up for myself until the end of summer.

We got into a confrontation about me going out with my friends and that was when I made my decision. I was no longer going to allow her to control me. I had to stand up for myself; otherwise I would be always bowing down to a woman who barely understood me. When she left the house for the day, I packed my things and left with the help of friends. To this day, I do not regret this decision. My grandmother and I have very different definitions of success and I could not allow her definition to override mine. I will always love my grandmother, but I could not grow as a person under her wing. Since I have left, I am more confident in myself and I am at peace with my decisions. I have come to realize that becoming an adult is more about learning what makes you happy, rather than someone else.