Surrendering My Grade by Alexandra

Surrendering My Grade by Alexandra - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

I received my Bachelor degree in English from the University of Utah in 2012. I am now about to start my first semester of graduate school studying Early Childhood Education and Autism Studies. Reflecting on the history of my educational journey, I have laughed (and cried) at some of my failures, and some of those failures were not failures at all because I learned from my mistakes, and thus am a better person academically.

I have a learning disability, which makes the topic of mathematics of any sort impossible for me to grasp. Because of my learning disability, the disability center at the University of Utah decided to exempt me from math courses. Instead of having to take math courses, I was challenged with a philosophy class (which actually had statistics and math in it), as well as a law class called Analysis of Argument. Although these classes from a glance seem totally unrelated to math, I found them to be the most challenging classes I had to take in college, and as an English major, I deemed these classes to be irrelevant to my life, major, or academic path.

Analysis of Argument contained phrases I was unfamiliar with (and still have no idea what they mean), brief writing (which I thought I would be decent at, considering I wrote papers daily for my major), and tests and quizzes that I did not know the secret to passing. The professor wrote the textbook and loved to talk about it non-stop. When he talked about the textbook, I was relieved because the class did not have to memorize anything that was being said. One day, he asked us to get into groups. There were seventy-five people in the class, so I gathered five random classmates and formed a group. My arbitrary group consisted of individuals who were unsure of the class material and I could already tell within two minutes that some of them did not take education seriously (one of the group members insisted on being called “Vanilla Ice.” ) So, the professor decided these are the group members we were to stay with for the remainder of the semester, and no, we could not switch groups at any cost. We had group tests, group debates, and quizzes, and I became increasingly more lost. I even stopped reading the textbook altogether, because it seemed to be written in gibberish. I had no idea how to solve a post-hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy, write a brief, or conduct a debate using the designated terms. No one else in the class seemed to know how to either. When it was time for a final, unlike most professors, the class received both a paper (10 pages minimum) and a 175 question final, consisting of multiple choice and essay questions. I studied for three weeks for the final, took it, and feeling more confused than ever, decided to surrender my grade. Whatever grade I get on the final, is the grade I get, I told my curious parents. I thought the paper would be a breeze, because I have always been highly competent when it comes to writing papers. Smothered in a world of academia, in a cocoon at the library, I began writing what turned out to be a fifteen page brief. I was so confidant I had done well. When it was time to get the paper back, I anxiously looked at everyone else’s scowls, frowns, and even tears. I got my paper back and it had a fat D- on it. I joined the few classmates who were in tears. This cannot be right, I thought. I asked the teaching assistant why on earth she would give me a D- on something I worked so hard on, for long hours on, and she said “You didn’t follow the directions on the argument analysis and the margins are off”. I was livid at the time, but was relieved to know I passed the class with a C. I felt that this challenge was critical to helping me realize that I am not superior to anyone academically. We all have an equal shot at school, and even though I can try harder than anyone, I am not above the rules. Needless to say, my study habits have much improved since then.

I had a similar experience in my philosophy class. The professor seemed to speak in only a language that he understood, and gave us statistics quizzes, which I had no idea how to solve. I recall handing in a couple blank tests. There were no papers in this class, so my chance to shine was slim to nothing. I survived the class on a curve, receiving an overall grade of a C. One person in the class received a B, but the professor said the majority of students in the class got C’s or D’s.

I have not gotten a C since those classes, which I took my freshman year. What I thought was a rocky, failure of a start to college, turned out to be the largest learning experience I had, thus far. I am grateful for my successes, and yes---I am even grateful for my failures because they have taught me some valuable lessons, such as study harder, and don’t beat myself up over a grade.