Paradise by Alexa

Paradise by Alexa - February 2014 Scholarship Essay

I remember the day I first heard this quote. I was sitting in my car, while parked in my driveway, listening to the radio after I got home from work. A song started playing that I had never heard before. The song itself went on to become a hit and was almost instantly overplayed. However, I never minded the song because I got to hear this quote: “Even the sun sets in paradise.” Do you know what song I’m talking about? This is one little line that no one ever remembers when I mention it. It’s said once in the middle of the song, so it becomes overlooked. It’s from Maroon 5’s song “Payphone.”

This one line in a very popular song has come to mean a lot to me. Throughout high school I went through a very bad phase with depression and anxiety. At the same time I was dealing with this I was in a long-distance relationship with someone who turned out to be very bad for me. I fell in love with him at the end of my freshman year and it took me three and a half years to really see how bad he was for me. He was controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive. One day he loved me and told me I was beautiful, the next I was fat and slutty. I never could do anything right and no matter how much he hurt me, it was somehow always my fault. I was blamed for his problems with his family and his depression – and I was somehow supposed to fix all of it. Looking back, I see how detrimental that was to me in the fragile state I was.

He was my first love – and he was supposed to be my last. He had begun to save me from my depression, in fact, I was supposed to save him from his depression. Unfortunately, while I managed to improve and talk to a therapist and get help to be happier, he continued into a downward spiral – which he took out on me. It took a lot of insight from my therapist and a whole lot of time for me to see how poisonous he was to my life.

I went from hating the world and having no faith in life, to seeing a completely different side of the world. I’ve realized that reality can be bad if you let yourself look at it like that. There is no perfection, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t happiness. So now, here I am. Typing this essay and it’s been a little over a year since I’ve really let go of him and my depression. I still have my bouts with anxiety, but they’ve become less. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and in my second year of college, working hard on graduating a year early. What he taught me about myself and what my therapist taught me about life, is exactly what this quote reminds me. You can consider your life to be paradise, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. Perfection and pure happiness don’t exist. You can be happy in life, but there will be downs. I will likely have my anxiety to deal with for the rest of my life, but I can’t let it get to me. There will be things that don’t go right and there will be things that upset you. Just because those things happen, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. You’re still in paradise, but the sun has set. It’s important to remember that the sun will rise again.