It Doesn't have to be so bad! by Alec

It Doesn't have to be so bad! by Alec - October 2013 Scholarship Essay

I am only 2 years old, and, as usual, I bring my navy blue basketball to the supermarket and begin to dribble. I focus all of my attention on the ball, the repetitive thump, and the airy echo from within. I feel calmed, engrossed in the physics of patterned motion.
Soon, I hear the heavy clap of footsteps rapidly approaching. A small crowd of awed faces surrounds me, ever enlarging, until—BOOM—the tempered laughter of a few harmless bystanders erupts into an explosive uproar. A thousand expectant eyes pour over me from what seems to be fifty feet above. I am trapped. A blurred wall of commotion boxes me in. I begin to feel uncomfortable and increasingly confused. Too unsettled to continue dribbling, I catch the regulation-sized ball in my small hands, look up at the mass of spectators, and begin to cry. The excessive attention and commotion is too much for my young mind to grasp.
Perfectionism is not always a choice: it can be thrust upon those who demonstrate unusual talent or capability, often at a young age. This was my fate. While typical toddlers were blowing bubbles, I was being spotlighted on Fox News, NBC Sports, and The Today Show. Unknowingly, I had become nationally recognized as “The Dribbling Baby”. Unconsciously, I was becoming accustomed to all the superfluous attention—the seed of perfectionism was planted.
From an early age, I learned that people were excited by my coordination. Whether I was playing Guitar Hero, hitting a tennis ball, or even snowball fighting, my coaches and peers would frequently exclaim, “You are amazing!” Though these inspirational words gave me confidence, they also fueled the fire of a growing self-expectation. Regardless of the joy I brought others through high performance, my own satisfaction eluded me. Reaching a goal meant setting another and left little room for celebration or peace.
As I grew older, perfectionism became a germ, surreptitiously hijacking my mental wiring in social and academic situations. In high school, I feared dances. I would try too hard to make my date feel comfortable, and, in effect, do just the opposite. I found myself investing excessive time in homework and less time in sports. Nevertheless, despite these struggles, my desire and determination consistently translated into high achievements and evoked the admiration of many.
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword, a detrimental asset. It can carry you so far, can guide you to the shining house of your mind’s ambitions, only to forsake you at the threshold before a locked door. Indeed, I have achieved a great deal by listening to the ever-present voice of perfectionism. But through counsel and self-reflection, I have realized that extraordinary results need not be the product of unhealthy suffering. With relaxation techniques and cognitive reasoning, I have learned to counteract my perfectionistic tendencies in both the social and academic realms. By junior year, prom was a breeze and my date did not want the night to end.
Having learned to manage the adverse aspects of perfectionism, I am no longer burdened by this albatross. As a result, the air I breathe is lighter, and the path I walk is clearer. Through my own experience, I have developed profound empathy for those who face challenges, and, as I move forward, I will use this awareness to impact those around me.