The Mask of Anxiety by Katherine

The Mask of Anxiety by Katherine - December 2016 Scholarship Essay

Social anxiety was no friend of mine. I couldn’t order my own food at restaurants. I couldn’t even get up from my seat of the classroom to throw away a piece of paper. My fears stuck with me, driving my social insecurities higher. However, high school offered me opportunities to escape the claustrophobic alleys of my anxiety.
My junior year had finally come. I was in student government, and this year, I had the urge to burn my mask of anxiety and run for Associated Student Body (ASB) Secretary. Why does running for ASB Secretary take so much nerve? Running for any ASB position requires a speech―in front of the whole school.
“We only have two minutes for the speech?” Jacob exclaimed. “That’s definitely not enough time.”
My mind began to drift like a hazed cloud, and my blood began to pump rapidly through my veins. While Jacob thought the speech duration was too short, two minutes felt like two hours to me. I thought, “I am literally going to be standing in front of the whole school as a formal ASB officer candidate.” All I felt were the nerves pushing me further into this alley, inch by inch. However, I knew that this was only to get me into the shining light I saw at the end of the tunnel. And as I read through the rules and looked around the room, I had hopes that in a year, I would still be sitting in this same spot in leadership class as ASB Secretary.
The next several weeks became a busy rush, putting in the work to make a four-minute video, as well as a two-minute speech. The speech was revised countless times, campaign posters were cluttered around the school, and I surprisingly happened to find myself sitting sanely in leadership class, discussing the campaign videos.
“I just wanted to check in on how you guys were doing with your videos,” Mr. Thomas, the activities director, spoke to the Junior class.
“It’s going pretty good, actually!” I replied. “It’s so funny. I still have a lot to film, though, but I’m good. So Jacob and Conner are the only ones running unopposed, right?”
“And you,” Mr. Thomas added. A look of confusion came over me.
“I thought you said someone was running against me.”
“Yeah, but they dropped out. So now it’s just you running for ASB Secretary.” A great weight was lifted off my shoulders when I heard those words. However, this did not change my fear of public speaking.
The weeks passed and finally, it was the day of the assembly. I watched every student step into the gym, thinking that each person I saw was only one more pair of eyes that would be looking at me. My muscles tensed, and the room became heavier as the bleachers filled.
“Good morning, St. Helens High School!” I heard the ASB President greet the crowd; the assembly had started.
The first candidate to display their video and give their oral presentation was the Public Relations officer. “Two more candidates to go,” I noted. I watched the candidate recite her speech and wondered how leaders can easily stand in front of a crowd of 1,000 or more people. Even just the thought of myself standing behind that podium made my throat cotton-dry. “If all else fails,” I thought, “at least my campaign video is funny.”
Next, it was the Treasurer candidate’s turn to present his speech—the last candidate before me. I caught myself repeatedly looking at the speech in my hand. My mind was infected with terror, because I knew that if I choked on even a single word, I would completely lose my flow of speech. I practiced each and every word, engraving the phrases in my head, and I took one last remark of how massive the group of students were. “This will be my greatest moment.”
“It is my pleasure to introduce the ASB Secretary candidate, Katherine Lalangan!” My heart pounded as I took each step towards the podium. My hands trembled as the mic was handed to me. And as the blood pumped rapidly through my veins, I let the adrenaline rush up my throat, and out my mouth as words. Some students looked at me intently, while other students’ eyes wandered, oblivious of what I had been talking about. Even then, I stared straight ahead, exclusively looking at the wall; I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. Words flowed ever so smoothly―much more than I had expected. And before I knew it, I was on the last line of the speech that I had written on the paper in front of me, which I did not need as much as I thought. The last thing I heard was an applause as I stepped away from the podium, and walked back to my seat.
“I did it,” I thought. “Here I am, little girl, presenting myself in front of the entire student body as a leader.” I had been the smallest, most timid freshman, clueless of what was to come. Looking at myself now, I have become a strong leader of the school, expressing myself from the alleys of my vocal chords. I have come out of my shell to start a new way of life. This was the moment that I knew I had been guided towards the greatest path of triumph.